True Courage

     "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" ~ Mary Ann Radmacher 

Trying not to drop 2 bags of ice, one on each of my hand, I walked toward the unit close to the Clinic to deliver it to an inmate needing the ice for a lab procedure called 24 hour urine. He would collect his urine in a special bottle previously given and it needed to be iced so that bacteria wouldn't grow.

Hoping that the Custody Specialist [the person controlling the opening and closing of all doors in a unit] would see me since I was having difficulty buzzing the bell, I stood in front of the small glass window. There he was, the silhouette of a tall man, an inmate worker dressed up in blue, saw me instead. He flung his right hand holding a mop in the air, as the left hand with a piece of rag also alternately tried to draw the CS's attention. Through the soft glow of yellow light, I saw him pointing at me. I sensed the calmness inside, signifying the end of "chow time" or breakfast of inmates.

He waited for me at the second door that led to the different segments of the unit, ready to open the door. After that, he took one of the ice bags from my hand and cheerfully asked me if I wanted him to hold the other bag, too.

"It's okay, I got it. You have helped me so much already. Thank you," I uttered.

"You're welcome, Ma'am."

After calling the inmate who needed those ice, this inmate worker opened the door again for me. I ignored the fact that the usual friendly conversation that was discouraged in this environment as my feeling of gratitude for this kindness displayed, overwhelmed me.

"Start of shift?"

"Yes, Ma'am. I'm about to clean the G room."

"How long are you gonna' be working?"

"8 hours."

"Well, I hope the day will be okay knowing the day shift usually is busier than the night. Take care and thank you so much for all the help you had given me."

"Have a nice day, Ma'am. That was nothing," he replied as he gave me a smile.

A short conversation that meant a lot. He was thankful for the way he was acknowledged. But he didn't know. I was more thankful for his behavior. That it was true. There was still a good thing out of the bad. That everyone deserved a chance. For them to try to make a change. He just showed me. His willingness to change. His effort to become a good person, away from the person he was once who made wrong decisions that put him inside the prison. He just shown me true courage.

The way God believed in me and never gave up on me. To show courage. Courage that is not measured by the tallest mountain we climb. Nor the widest expanse of seas we sail on. Nor the highest altitude we have flown. But the courage to say "I'm sorry for my sins" and then, making that right decision to make a change. Which is to do the right thing.

"From that time on Jesus began to preach, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near."

~Matthew 4:17

You Are The One Who Answers Our Prayers

"Hey Rcubes, called you again to let you know that I changed the schedule and you got Christmas Eve off and I'll just come in instead.. So you can enjoy your time with your family..."Click...

That was the final message from one of my supervisors in regards with the schedule requests for the holidays.

The feeling of being mistreated in my heart seethed, prior to those few messages left in my blinking answering machine. But that final message brought sadness instead.

I was the first one months ago to request for the Christmas Eve off. Until this supervisor approached me and wanted to give our hearts and sacrifice for the newer nurses who have little kids than us. I agreed. Without thinking.

Because the heart of gratitude and tasting the Lord's kindness always overwhelms us in situations that are needing that extension of a loving Hand, of a merciful Heart, or His everlasting kindness.

Except I didn't know...That everyone wanted to be off for Christmas Eve. Including this supervisor. The schedule came out amidst the anticipation of those eager to be off on their chosen holidays. Not everyone was happy. Someone complained. That prompted this supervisor to call me at my home. To make me aware of the changes. And that....certain nurses were off and her,  and I would be the one working then for Christmas Eve. Silently, I prayed while conversing with her. I didn't want to be disrespectful for feeling so wronged. I didn't want to do anything coming from my own strength because I felt like I didn't have enough and my body and mind was just drained off of its functions as I heard the news.

There are so many injustices in this world. It's nothing new. But it was a comfort to have His Word to remind us that we have hope in a time of discouragement. We have God  Whom we can trust and wait patiently for Him to act. That we have God's faithfulness, justice, and love which are opposite with the sinful hearts of humanity.

"Lord, what do I do? I feel so wronged. But I know You know it. And I trust in You more than anything. Please talk to me. I need to hear from You Lord," my heart was crying out.

"It's okay C...I'll just work on Christmas Eve if there is no other way to make it work out for my request," I softly uttered as I ended the conversation with a "Thank you." She must sensed my sadness.

But my spiritual conversation has not ended. This was the line that was always open. I opened the Bible and this was what He told me: [from 1 Peter 2:18-21]

"You who are slaves must accept the authority of your masters. Do whatever they tell you - not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are harsh. For God is pleased with you when, for the sake of your conscience, you patiently endure unfair treatment. Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing right and are patient beneath the blows, God is pleased with you. This suffering is all part of what God has called you to. Christ, Who suffered for you, is your example. Follow in his steps."

As I was reading those precious Word, my phone rang twice, 5 minutes in between. And the last one was that final message letting me know that I would be off and she would be working instead. What caused a change of heart? Deep inside, I knew she had conviction, too. Knowing she is also His child. She might be the supervisor but she had a Higher One she must answer to. She knew she was always off on all the holidays.

But her message made me sad. Because I knew she was also a good mother needing that day off. To be with her family. I started praying for her, for the Lord to bless her and that she would still find someone to work for her. There is nothing impossible with our Lord.

Because I knew...We were both lost sheep before. And both of us have turned to One Shepherd, the Guardian of our souls. It was not about who would be off, who would be working anymore. We both could look at the situation through His eyes. We both have His victory. And I know we both have feeling of gratitude because we have this precious job, one of His provisions. And we both serve a mighty God, Who leads all of us out of any despair.

God does answer prayers...Whatever response, it is not because that is what we want but because He knows that's what's best for us. To give our hearts a chance to purge those things that do not need to take its space. Things that are not glorifying God. Yes, He answers even through those periods when He seem so far away. His silence does not mean He is not listening...What would be hard for Him not to give when He gave His One and Only Son to be the sacrifice for humanity? We just can't help but "thank Him!"



"May he grant your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans. May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory, flying banners to honor our God. May the Lord answer all your prayers."
- Psalm 20:4-5

Thanksgiving Reflection

2 nurses are leaving. 1, in fact, already left. You would think, "Who, in the earth would do that?" when we know that we are all facing a tough economic times. Where job is very scarce and those that still have it, are still uncertain of its stability. I'm not saying that they're not thankful for what they have, but I know that the reason is not job-related. Not the kind of work we do. But it's the people they work with. Personalities clash. Ideas differ. Compromise not known. Pride fueled by self-expertise and power collide. The other: complaints of her "SOS" messages seemed to be ignored. Needing an extra hand with tasks that are becoming too much for just one nurse was her simple 9-1-1 message. She got burned out. Left with only one choice, she opted to put in her resignation.

This is reality. Changes in this world abound. And we have no control, whether we admit it or not.

This Thanksgiving, I am going to remain thankful. And in every day that comes. Because "hope" was paid for long time ago by the greatest sacrifice. No matter what changes occur, I know I have chosen to follow Jesus, Who does not change.

As I sample the turkey, mashed potato and whatever else will be on my plate, I want this to take me back to those times, where people realized that all the blessings they received were given by God. Those who had gone first and met a lot of obstacles on their paths, only to realize that they were not truly alone and had divine guidance, protection, provision and other blessings.

Remembering God's faithful love, then I pray for "pride" from people's hearts to crumble. For personalities to unite despite the differences. For ideas to be embraced and respected to avoid confrontations. For compromises to be known that all disputes are settled.

I pray for people to realize God's greatest blessing to humanity: "to have the privilege of being born again because of what Jesus had done." This is a priceless inheritance. Pure. Undefiled. Beyond the reach of change and decay. This is my greatest encouragement in times of trouble. Amidst the constant and unpredictable changes in my journey. That no matter what step I take, I live with this wonderful expectation of eternal life.

Giving thanks to God...It is just the right thing to do...Thank You God! Thank You Jesus!

I Want To Thank You

"Shout with joy to the Lord, O earth! Worship the Lord with gladness. Come before him, singing with joy. Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture." ~ Psalm 100:1-3

She demanded to be seen for severe nausea and vomiting at the wee hours of Sunday morning.

“I did put a sick call request!” she complained as I started applying the blood pressure cuff on her left arm.

“How long ago?”

“Just yesterday. But I put in 2 requests already!” she whined.

“Ma’am, you have to understand. There are 3,000 something inmates here. Out of that number, many are requesting to be seen for different issues, like you.”

“I know,” she mumbled under her breath.

“You just need to be patient. Sometimes, the people screening the inmates’ requests, have to put those urgent conditions,” I explained.

Everything was normal despite the complaint of severe nausea and vomiting all day, prior to her arrival in the Infirmary’s waiting area. I motioned for her to go back to the same spot and just try to relax. She didn’t know. I was just observing her. I didn’t see her throw up not even once. I saw her got up many times, trying to scan who the people were inside the Clinic. She must have seen how busy the Nursing staff was. She glanced back at the tv monitor up on the wall, when she saw me looking at her.

A few hours had gone by. She started becoming fidgety and uncomfortable. The fingers previously rubbing her abdomen became intertwined with each other and moved restlessly.

“Nurse! Nurse!” she yelled.

“How may I help you?” I asked as I approached the big glass partition window.

“I’m sorry. I’m okay now. I think I’ll just go back to my unit. Thank you for giving me those pink pills for my tummy. They worked,” she uttered.

I signed her yellow pass and reminded her to be patient. That she could still put a sick call request whenever she didn’t feel well. The demands she had when she first walked in vanished into thin air. As her shadow disappeared, I knew she wouldn’t be back for a while. She discovered it wouldn’t be easy to get what she wanted every time. She found out that no matter how much she whined, she still needed to be patient and needed to learn how to endure every passing moment. That it wouldn’t be easy to lie when it came to medical symptoms. That she couldn’t go anywhere despite the fact that she was able to go out of her tiny cell, the reality was that she was still inside the prison even if she had found a temporary few hours of freedom being in the Clinic. I saw her frustrated eyes replaced with a grateful look. She was thankful to be out of the Clinic as she couldn’t stand being monitored anymore by the Nursing staff, especially with my watchful eyes. Yes, I let her go. Not because she demanded but because there was truly no intervention needed. I made her aware that she was not sick after all. And that was one thing to be grateful for. There were a lot of sicker inmates than her.

I forget, too, sometimes that there are lots to be thankful for...But when we realize that God created us because He loves each of us, we, in turn, can’t help but give to others, as God gave to us. Out of the millions of people, we may all differ in our characteristics or traits from one another, but we are all the same when it comes to Him calling us to love Him first, then, love others. Our good God deserves all our thanks and praise.

Oh Lord, You alone are worthy to be worshiped. Help me to always joyfully come into Your presence. May I remember to always thank You and praise You whatever circumstances I am in. For You are awesome and Your unfailing love endures forever. May my life be a sweet offering to You Oh Lord. Thank You for Your love, mercy and grace. In Jesus' Name. Amen.




Happy Thanksgiving friends and may God bless you all.