No Bias

Wearing only Velcro-strapped gray garments as the only covering, 3 bodies were put together in this particular cell. Feet without shoes nor slippers, they were stripped of any material that could be potentially dangerous and be used by their desires to end their lives.


Welcome to the jail’s “Suicide Watch”.


They were in open view, checked alternately and often by the deputies, Sergeant or the Intake Nurse. Their activities were closely monitored and logged on a piece of document. When night time came, they were given blue boats [huge, plastic beds] where they could rest if they wanted to. They would need to patiently endure a long night, only to be seen by the jail’s Psychiatrist in the morning.


Some of them were long time residents of that cell. Not until the Psychiatrist released them, if they remained unstable with their behavior, they would continue to be monitored. If the medications prescribed started to help them and if the Psychiatrist determined that they were not a threat to themselves anymore, they would be released or re-housed in the jail’s general population, or from whatever unit they came from.


I glanced at my watch. The dials were glowing at 12 midnight. I saw him there, just sitting, talking to self. He briefly looked up when he saw me peeking through the huge, glass window. He didn’t say anything. He kept staring.


I motioned for him to come closer to the window. I wanted to talk to him.


“Are you okay?” my question partially deadened by the thick partition in between us.


“I can’t sleep. I tried,” as he pressed his head against the window.


“Are you still hearing voices?”


“Yes.”


“It must be hard. I’m sorry that I can’t give you anything to help you sleep. The evening nurse had already given your medications for the night. But I want you to try to rest, even if you can’t sleep, lay down anyway. So you won’t be tired when the doctor comes in the morning to see you. Then, we’ll let him know that the medications seem not to be helping you, okay?”


“Okay. Thank you,” was the low-toned reply as his footsteps slowly traced the path back to the cold, concrete bench.


“I’ll keep an eye on you. But if you need anything, I want you to let me know,” I added.


Three bodies. Three suffering people. Three different backgrounds. Three different races. But all were in the same boat of finding solutions, of finding hope, of finding a cure to never-ending voices that seemed real, when not real to others. The voices that constantly nagged at them to kill themselves, to end their lives. The treatments consisted of medications and therapies or combination of different modalities. It was worth a try than not to do anything at all.


For life is precious. And the staff will not allow these precious lives to be ended just because they intended to do so. Most of them are not in the right state of minds. They all need help!


We are all the same…Suffering from the eternal death we are facing because of our sins. But others still deny that they are in need of help. They are living a good kind of life. They have everything. Why would they need anyone to help them?


But we all need the hope that the Good News brings. It’s not aimed to a particular person. It is not directed only to people of one race, one sex, or one background. It is aimed to save all of us, “for we are all sinners”.


And we are all precious to the One Who created us in His image... God loves us all. He sent His Son to save us, sinners. No one is outside of His mercy and beyond the reach of His gift of salvation. He wants us ALL to be saved. In God, there is no PARTIALITY or BIAS.


“Pray for all people. As you make your requests, plead for God’s mercy upon them, and give thanks.” - 1 Timothy 2:1

From The Message:

Romans 2: 9-11 -”If you go against the grain, you get splinters, regardless of which neighborhood you’re from, what your parents taught you, what schools you attended. But if you embrace the way God does things, there are wonderful payoffs, again without regard to where you are from or how you were brought up. Being a Jew won’t give you an automatic stamp of approval. God pays no attention to what others say [or what you think] about you. He makes up his own mind.”


"All who are wicked will be punished with trouble and suffering. It doesn't matter if they are Jews or Gentiles. But all who do right will be rewarded with glory, honor, and peace, whether they are Jews or Gentiles. God doesn't have any favorites!" -Contemporary English Version

The Big Wound

The jail kitchen’s extension number was flashing on the phone as it rang.


“Hello? Nurse Rcubes. May I help you?”


“Hi Nurse. We have an inmate here who accidentally cut his finger from the serrated edges of the plastic wrap as he was wrapping the food trays. We had been putting pressure for a while and it’s still bleeding a lot!,” was the jail cook’s reply.


“No problem. If he’s okay to come down here to the clinic, I’ll see him right away.”


“Thank you Nurse”.


A minute later, a tall, white, young male emerged holding on to his index finger of the left hand. I didn’t even ask, I immediately let him in, into the Exam Room. When I asked him to let go of the pressure, there was only a blood-soaked Band-aid dressing visible.


“Go ahead and remove the Band-aid, Sir,” I requested.


As I was doing a lot of things at the same time, like getting his vital signs right away and observing the wound, I started asking him some medical questions, too. The cut was not bleeding actively anymore when I saw it. However, in his set of vital signs, he had a low grade fever. I asked him if he had cold symptoms from the past days and he said he did, for about a couple of days. But he denied coughing or having trouble breathing.


I got concerned with his cold symptoms because of the last flu scare we had in the jail few weeks ago and with him, being in contact with other inmate workers and with preparation of food, I wanted to take him out for a few days so others would not get sick until we made sure that he wasn’t contagious. I handed a mask and to which he obliged right away.


I took another look into those glassy eyes.


“Sir, there’s more to those glassy eyes of yours. I know you’re not in pain from that minor cut and you’re not too sick. Would you like to tell me what’s going on, that is…pause… only if you want to tell me because it is still your right not to do so. I’m only wanting to help you the best I could.”


The head looked down. The facial expression turned to sadness. As good as he was with eye contact the whole time I was speaking with him, this time, he was looking at the floor.


With a sad tone of voice, he replied, “Ma’am…pause…You’re right. My mom just passed away on the 31st [July] from throat cancer. It hurts that I didn’t get to see her because I’m not out until October.” A deep sigh followed.


The jail is strict in implementing policies. The staff is not allowed to talk with inmates especially in friendly manners, as if they are friends. That prevents the staff from the possibility of developing close relationships with inmates. It is for safety concern. And I did hear a lot of stories that some of the staff ended up trying to help the inmate they became fond of, to escape.


That moment was crucial for me. I felt the higher policy that comes from the Highest Authority. He commands His children to love Him first, and then, love others, even our enemies. We are to shine our light so that those living in darkness still will tend to know that Source, which in turn, will give them the hope that they thought is forever lost, being in that dark place.


Staying calm with my composure, praying in my mind for the Lord to quietly guide me with what to say, I said, “I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. That must be difficult that you didn’t see your mother. But if you don’t mind me asking, how old is your mom and if you have a family?”


“Ma’am, you have no idea that I’m so glad that someone finally understands me. Of course, I don’t mind to tell you. My mom was 65 and yes, I’m married with 2 children and I miss them,” came the reply with an excited tone, this time his eyes met mine and he wasn’t backing down. His eyes lightened up.


[Back of my mind: “Lord, help me! What do I say now?”]


“No offense meant here, Sir. I don’t need to know why you’re here in the jail. But if there’s an opportunity for you to be released and start a new life, do so. I know life is so precious, and your mom had lived for 65 years, but you have a family waiting for you and that’s who you live for, especially your children. I’m sure they miss you, too.”


“You are so right, Ma’am. Thank you so much for everything. Thank you for treating me and talking with me. I feel better now. And yes, I will try not to be back here again. My family is important! And I learned so much…”


[Back of my mind: “Lord, may this man know You because I know that’s the only way he can change and be healed with his wound deep inside…”].


He went back to his unit after I took him off of work for a few days so he can properly grieve and rest to fight the cold symptoms. I had scheduled him for another nurse follow-up to make sure that he was not running a fever anymore and that, his cut was infection-free.


That man was not bleeding from his wound. He was bleeding and hurting in his heart! I saw that in him, just like the way God saw my wounded heart years ago. That “person” was grateful as he walked away from me. A “person” not an “inmate”. The way God looked at me: “His child” not an “enemy”.


There is no big wound that God can not heal…


He gave me beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise, instead of despair. Instead of awaiting my death penalty, He saved me and declared me “not guilty!” when I believed in His Son Jesus.


Yes, I am grateful that Someone understood me…Finally!


“I will tell of the Lord’s unfailing love. I will praise the Lord for all he has done.” -Isaiah 63:7

Praising You

Lord, today, I choose to praise You. You're the only One Who deserves our thanks and praise! Amidst the trials and tribulations we are all going through, Your wonderful promises constantly remind us that You're always there with us, for us. We are never alone and to have that thought and "truth" will help us get through all these ordeals.

Thank You Lord for Your wonderful, faithful, everlasting love. Thank You for Your mercy. We hurt You many, many times, yet You always readily forgive us when we turn to You. Who is like that among us Lord? None..."For Your ways and thoughts are higher than ours".

I choose to seek You. I choose to receive Your love. I choose Your forgiveness. I choose to believe in You. I choose to have faith and trust only in You. I choose to sing this song You had given me in my heart. I choose to love You.

Thank You Lord for always carrying me whether I'm in troubling times or not. Thank You for saving me. Thank You for reaching out Your hand to me. In Jesus' Name. Amen.


Deuteronomy 10:21 - "He is your God, the one who is worthy of your praise, the one who has done mighty miracles that you yourselves have seen."

You, Oh Lord Jesus


Lord, I give my heart to You
Lifting up my hands to praise and thank You
Sometimes I have no words to say
But I know You’re here with me, come what may…..oh Lord


Chorus:


You… saved me
And You…healed me
You…..carry me
And You….love me….oh Jesus…


Jesus, I trust in You
No one else loves me the way You do
On the cross You died for all
You call us friends if we choose to believe in You…Oh Jesus…

[repeat Chorus]…


~ rcubes 8/20/09 1322hrs.

My Heart's Cry For Peace

Happy Spiritual Sundays everyone! For more encouraging posts, please visit here and get soaked with God's love.

Last night, I was scheduled to work at the prison’s Intake [where new arrestees arrive from the streets from cops’ cars]. I haven’t been there in a while. And as my anxiety of uncertain things to come started coming, I chose not to let those overwhelm me.


I went into my room before taking a nap and decided to talk with Him. I didn’t need to search. I knew what I was looking for. My right hand’s digits opened the Bible to “Psalm 91”. I knew I needed that protection that He provides.


Prior to that, I visited sister Mary . I had known her as one of my long time bloggy friends and someone who just incessantly pray. I know a lot of you are praying for me. And this is just a moment for me to let you all know how much I appreciate all of you knowing how vital it is that we pray for each other, too. I truly am very grateful to have met each one of you and in you, I have the best assurance that I am covered with your awesome prayers as I walk into the well-guarded facility, but open and vulnerable to spiritual attacks.

This is how the night went:

The charge nurse had me working in the office. But there was a new nurse requesting to work with me at Intake so she could be exposed more and learn more. As much as I hated to be at Intake, I thought, “Is it You Oh Lord Who wants me there? For whatever reason, that’s fine with me. But I need You. I need Your protection, Your wisdom. No drama for me tonight Lord. And if it’s not too much to ask of You, may it be a quiet night?” I silently prayed.

Friday nights are known to be bad nights at Intake. That’s when many bodies who regularly go to the bars go for a casual drink. Unfortunately, they make a bad decision of getting behind their wheels and that was how they were caught. Some were long time alcoholics whose faces became so familiar that when they get released on the previous nights, you just had that gut feeling that they would be back.

The PM nurse was busy, busy and loud! I could feel a lot of restless spirits [hard to explain]. Loud, talking with Sergeant and deputies. She hasn’t given me her report but I had already checked and logged on those inmates under Suicide Watch.

There were 2 bodies in each of the 2 safety cells that we had [where they are more serious than suicidal ones because they are always agitated and sometimes, hard to control without giving them a calming medicine]. The inmates lined-up were quiet but the amount of bodies just contributed to these distractions. Deputies were constantly yelling, calling whoever was needed to be processed and fingerprinted. Their mug shots taken. Some inmates resisted and were just too intoxicated to be talked to. They were thrown [not literally] into sobering cells until they could talk better. But that meant more bodies for me to check and make sure they were not having withdrawal symptoms from drinking too much or other illegal substances.

Along with the deputies’ yelling, people working at the Bridge were yelling, too, calling on each person to be booked. The orientee PM nurse was asking for my attention, as I was just screening an arrestee who came back from the hospital with doctor’s orders. She was requesting for me to teach her because the other nurse was busy and she was starting to panic because it was almost time to go.

I answered her questions patiently but in my mind, I was thinking I would be behind with my own work. My orientee came in and was also overwhelmed with the activities that seemed like a zoo!

I talked to the Lord in my mind and with a soft prayer, “It can’t be happening. I asked for Your protection, guidance, calm night, no drama! It is the opposite though, Lord. I am overwhelmed right now and my charting is piling up. I’m not complaining but I just need You to assist me. Then, I know I will be fine! Help me, Lord!”


In the next hour that followed, the PM nurse finally got done and decided she could give me her report. The new nurse working with me looked at me and sighed and with her eyes, I felt like she uttered, “Finally…” I heard a “Whew…” under her breath.

Until it was just her and I. I started telling her a few things how it should have really gone with the change of shift report. But now she knew that it was impossible to get an orderly report at times because it could be very hectic as she witnessed herself.

We kept talking. I kept teaching. She was listening. Phone calls. More arrestees came with medical issues. Got up and checked on those suicidal inmates and offered water to those who didn’t have access to the fountain.

2 hours had passed. The other nurse turned her head toward me and said, “I like working with you. I hope I have another opportunity with you. It was so loud earlier, chaotic and so restless like. But with just you here, it was calm, busy but you were calm. We got caught up with things and you were able to teach me at the same time. I don’t know if I’m going to last here. There are so many other nurses who are hard to work with.”

She was right! The peace and calm felt like a blanket that covered all the areas of Intake at that moment. The suicidal ones in safety cells were calm and asleep. They took water when I offered but calmly and would just go back right to sleep. They never caused me any problems. The yelling, pounding on the window drunks all went to sleep, some were just sitting up, quietly as if wondering why they ended on those cold floors of the sobering cells.

“Lord, I know it’s You! You did answer me! Thank You!”

To the other nurse I replied, “You know what’s my secret before coming to this place?”

“What? I wanna’ know.”

“Pray…I pray…because we have to.” [not minding what she would say about it by me saying that. Deep inside, it was just fitting to throw the glory back to the Lord and give a testimony at the same time].

“I believe that. I saw it…the calmness.” she replied.

“Don’t give up. I know it can be frustrating many times. But think about it, you came from a different setting. Everything here, you need to learn. I think you are doing great! I’ll say, give it about 3 more months. Don’t say you’ll quit.”

“3 months? Hmmm…That long? I don’t know if I can.”

“Yes, you can. Because I did. 9 years ago, I was in the same shoes. And another kind nurse told me the same words I told you just now. If I made it, then, surely you will, too. When I also came to really believe God and accept Him in my heart, it also changed everything, the way I look and see things.”

“Okay. I’ll try. Thank God I am with you tonight.”

“Thank God is right!” I added.

Sorry guys that this is too long. But I want to bring the point of how important it is to lift up everything in prayers, all our worries to our good Lord Who is always listening. And if we really follow His lead, you just never know if He will put someone in your path that needs encouragement, that needs to hear a testimony, not about us, but His grace, His provision, His love, His faithfulness. I can go on and on…Thank you for your prayers and thanks be to God Who answers our petitions! So, to Him be the glory forever and ever, in all ages of eternity to come! God bless all of you and may we keep on growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ!!!

Prayers surely open that door to PEACE…