My Struggles

I struggle for many years. I’m talking about relationships, be it with my own family, friends or others. I sense when someone isn’t honest with their own feelings, I get bothered by it. Then I tend to shy away from those relationships because I feel that no matter what I do or say, our relationship is just…inauthentic! I'm not afraid to say what I feel from my heart even though it will hurt the other. In the same process, I don't know if I'm grieving the Lord that way. When or when not also a struggle.

I don’t want it. I feel it is also a trap that when I enter, it will hold me captive in a cycle of pleasing, praising, even if the words are not coming from true intentions. It makes me sad. Those kind of relationships are just superficial. At the same time, I pray for the Lord to also search my heart and help me always have true intentions when interacting with anyone. 

Lord, for many years, you know what’s in my heart. I tend to stay away from unreal relationships because of me not wanting to get hurt and wanting to have meaningful relationships. Help me Lord to overcome any of these struggles in dealing with my family, friends or anyone who crosses my path. I know that I’m limited but with You, I can do anything. Thank You Lord for making Your grace and forgiveness known to me. Continue to mold me to be like Jesus. Each day. In Jesus’ Name. Amen


  1. What would we do without the Lord? I'm convinced relationships will always challenge me here on earth because of the baggage we carry. Yesterday was hard. I visited a shut in who is very hard to love. I could not have endured without God's grace. He was so very close to me the whole time. When I got home, He truly flooded me with peace! He did it all; I take no credit. I love the Ps 139 graphic! Perfect for this theme, dear sister. Side by side, shoulder to shoulder we press into Jesus and walk in His strength and spirit. Praying for you always and sending big hugs.

  2. We all have had those relationship that makes us want to run away. I did that for years with my Dad and then Dad put him in my home to take care of. It was a journey I would never tell anyone else to go on but I am so glad He put Dad in my life. I learn and of course still learning that is love is powerful enough to love the unlovely, the one who is frustrating, who thinks only of themself. Little did I know those years I took care of my Dad God was preparing me to go over seas and work with more unlovely people who had pagan practice that would scare anyone. I knew taking care of my Dad it was God giving me the courage and strength, so He proved He could do that over and over. I don't run anymore from those relationships, I try to love. One huge thing I learned taking care of my DAd was I did not have to feel love toward him. Our love is conditional, frail and weak as a new born kitten. But His love coursing through us powerful and leaves us closer to Him. Good post.

  3. What a beautiful post this is, dear Rosel. I can relate to what you have written. I too am not comfortable with superficial relationships.

    I pray you and your family are not affected by the recent fires that hit Temecula. Praying for you...

  4. Hey, good friend, I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day too. Love what you said about moms and the way they sacrifice. Good words. I think that's when moms are the most like Christ. Hope you have a good week. Sending love and hugs!


"Faith is taking the first step even if you don't see the whole staircase..."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

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The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himseld and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: Life Application Bible]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].