Stop Dreaming

I don’t trust the mainstream media. For quite a while. Knowing that their report only benefits one side. The news is always about good things. I know that’s not real. Knowing that many problems keep occurring here in the U.S.A. and all over the world. Either the degree of occurrences is lessened or  the government chooses to ignore the problems. It’s rarely noted that there is a filter in the news that goes on which the majority of the public sees and hears.

I was watching t.v. one day when the show was interrupted by a speech from a government leader, as my lids started getting heavier each second. The coveted invitation from a late afternoon’s nap seemed to paralyze my body.  And in that state, the man’s speech reached my auditory senses in a blur. As my mind wandered at the same time…

"Of all the turmoils. Of all the conflicts going on here and abroad… Of all the silence and lack of actions… Why say something "now?"

The continuous glow from the television set prevented me from completely falling into a deep sleep. As my mind kept shifting from many dreams America has. Dreams pursued by its people.  Dreams that other people from other countries also wanted.  The top on the list: Freedom.

We all have dreams…Dreams that people from all walks of life help shape. Starting from the government down to each and every one of us. But I’m tired of all the useless dreams being shared to our nation as a whole. I’m tired of all twisted histories to support their dreams’ cause. I’m tired of seeing…of hearing dreams that side with evil instead of good…

Suddenly, my right leg fell from the couch where I was comfortably resting… I slowly got up and decided to brew a cup of coffee. Various commercials kept being aired from the t.v. The man’s speech was over and I didn’t even have a clue of its entirety…

My interest was more on the aroma of the freshly-brewed cup which was yelling, summoning me, as one expression started dancing in my mind…

“Wake up and smell the coffee!!!”

I inhaled the caffeinated odor from my white cup. Drawing the cup closer to my lips and with care, I took a small sip of the hot beverage, I became fully awake. Sometimes, that was the only thing that a person needed…

To wake up and smell the coffee…

 To face reality first instead of pursuing dreams. After all, dreams sometimes can be vain and be full of false hope. Dreams can be lies masked in truth. Dreams can simply be not easily understood. Sadly, dreams also fade. Dreams don’t solve anything if real situations are not realized or ignored.

For the open borders are truly major crises. The Israel-Hamas conflict has been going on but who is the real terrorist? No... U.S.A. doesn’t need to look far. For real, major problems here inside abound. The vets are not getting the deserved help they need for their health and financial woes. Many of them died waiting for treatments. The citizens and legal residents are not getting any breather for their taxes that don’t go down. The crash of housing market continues as many ended up losing their homes. Schools are being closed. Many lost jobs. Where can the people go to vent out their frustrations and their needs when the president, the Congress and other serving public officials always turn their heads away from real issues and keep on fighting among each other? But they are not fighting for the cause of America and its people. They are fighting against each other’s selfish ambitions or dreams. And the reality is that…they keep on spending when this country is broke! The nation’s debt growing each second by thousands of dollars…

May these real circumstances surrounding each one of us serve as our own  “wake-up” calls!

For no new dream can ever fix what has already become America’s nightmares!

It Will Always Be Sin

Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it. – James 4:17 (NLT)

“Is Dad going home yet?” asked my child who was just as concerned as I was for the long shift my husband, along with the other law enforcement officers were providing, to continue to watch the building where the terrorist attack occurred.  Law enforcement officers from so many agencies had gathered together and worked as a team to continue to serve and protect the people of the affected city.

“That was him,” I pointed to my child as I was watching the press conference to address the issues and most of all, to alleviate the fears of the public.

“Where?” asked my child as he moved his face just inches away from the glowing t.v. monitor.

Blended in the darkness of the night, a safe distance from within reach of all those bright lights and sensitive microphones, I saw his distinct figure. No matter how dark, as his spouse for almost 24 years, I would never be mistaken to identify him. Even without my glasses, I would always be sure.

The figure moved. His back on the cameras. As he moved, my child agreed…

“That’s Dad!”

A raised –up tone, not of excitement for his father to be on t.v. despite the obscurity, but a tone of concern for the long hours of labor he, along with the other officers, must have to endure to keep their vigilance as the investigation continued.

Enough of political correctness…This wouldn’t solve nor prevent any future attacks. It is not about having liberal or conservative views that will contribute to the downfall of this beautiful nation.

Rather, it will always be SIN… Especially the sin of omission…Knowing that one should have done something good and instead, doesn’t.

As Christians, we, each carry that tiny, light that should reflect that of our Saviour’s. We must continue to labor, despite the hardships and future predicaments that will test each heart’s endurance and integrity. We must do what is right, not in the eyes of men, but of God’s.

How beautiful that tiny light must be, despite all of them being scattered. Even a tiny light can be enough to truly brighten up a dark place. It doesn’t have to be known whose light because it’s futile to boast about worldly accomplishments and things.

To all the law enforcement officers who work so hard with honesty and integrity, may God always protect you all and guide you with His wisdom. The dedication many of you do and all the sacrifice you must make as each of you step out of the comfort of your homes each day, though most of the times are not recognized, I know I’m not alone in remembering you all in prayers, paired with a grateful heart for all those things you do:

To preserve the freedom of this beautiful country and to continue to protect its people, and maintain law and order.

The End Is Just The Beginning

I had given my advice a little over two weeks ago. Today marks the start of my resignation from being a Correctional Nurse after working in the prison for 15 years. I remember bits and pieces from back then. How I used to have nightmares during the first three months as I transitioned from being an Orthopedic nurse to a career that I had no knowledge of. How scary it was! Feeling each nightmare was real. To the point that I had almost quit! But the nurse who oriented me kept pushing for me.

“Give it 3 months, Rcubes,” she often uttered every time I tried to vent out my fears.

I personally approached her one morning, few months ago and thanked her. 

Little did I know… That 3 months would turn to 15 years. All because of her encouragement. We hugged. Reminisced the times we had learned working with each other. And the wisdom we gained after it all.

Reflecting now, I know very well…This is the arena where God has increased my faith and made His weapons known to my heart and mind. He made me aware of the importance of depending on Him and Him alone. In able for me to succeed and finish each task without FEAR. In attaining this dream that was out of my comfort zones.

I have not scheduled myself to work for a couple of months until my resignation today. Lately, I’m having nightmares again. About inmates running after me. Of wanting to hurt me. Except…this time, I am not afraid. I remember finding myself praying so hard in each dream. Hiding and not being found by the evil man. As I wrestle, arming myself with nothing but PRAYERS.

I don’t know yet what is to come. But I know God uses each season to teach me a spiritual lesson in everything that comes to my path. For now, I’m enjoying even more time with my family. Learning to try many recipes. Savoring the peace that comes from a clean and quiet home. Slowing each second to truly reflect on what matters the most in this life.

And knowing deep in my heart, no matter what nightmare comes to mind, I wouldn’t be afraid. Knowing that God has His own plans for me and that my dreams, real or not,  will never be thwarted by any enemy.

Any ending marks the beginning of something in God’s timetable…

My Power...Is of God's...

I was trying to savor each crucial minute that was passing by. As my plan for an unexpected early exit from working in the prison seemed to materialize more at the passing of each day. There in front of us, five nurses, sat a middle-aged man, slumped slightly forward as he tried to put more effort in getting in more air to his chest that started hurting this morning. Slightly pale and diaphoretic when we first got there, the other nurse and I who responded barely knew his medical history. We just knew he was diabetic and was getting dialysis every certain days of each week. But his blood sugar was not that bad for the morning check.

“I bet he’s coming down with some lung problem more than the heart,” I suggested to the nurse whose fast pace, I tried to keep up with, down the long, silent, cold hallway.

Tapping my stethoscope before putting it on his upper, right back, I heard his breath sounds diminished on that side. Feeling the hot skin even with my hands donned with gloves, I knew he was running a fever. I advised for the deputies to put him on a guerney so we could take an EKG but I told the nurse, he looked so weak. I would rather not waste a second in calling for an ambulance so he could be brought to the county’s ER immediately. To which she agreed.

After calling over the radio, the other three nurses immediately worked like a precise team. One started the IV. One connected the mask to the oxygen tank I hauled with me. One helped me and the other nurse did the vital signs and other assessment.

To what seemed like an eternity, it actually took us five to ten minutes to settle the man and did the best first aid we could. I had an AED machine near me. In case… 

He became more calm. His pinkish color returning to what looked like a grayish, pale face we first saw. The EMT finally came with their guerney and agreed that he could hear diminished sounds on the right side of his lungs. The EKG strip returned without any abnormalities.

Walking back to the Clinic, five of us were more relaxed by then, enjoying that special mission which tried to make a life not be lost. I told them...It was a moment like that, that sometimes stopped me and gave me doubts if I truly wanted to leave working in the prison. I told them I had more stress-less nights despite chaotic shifts. Because I was working with the right team. They all smiled and those smiles showed a hushed thankfulness to a well-meant flattery.

Working in the prison, I know better now as the Lord still continues to teach me each time…that as His child, I don’t have to do things that are fear-based. Because of Him, I have learned to face each critical event with calmness, heart pounding, not with fear but with flipping the pages of learned experiences that can intervene to a particular symptom or emergent situation. But paired with that, He also gives some of His children, who I must learn to trust and work with with respect, no matter what degree of education we, each, hold.

Because of Him…God Who gives a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7).

Whether I stay or leave the prison, there is no thing truer than this:

The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in me. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to my mortal body by this same Spirit living within me.(emphasis was mine)

My power? It is God’s power….The SAME POWER…

I heard this song from Jeremy Camp a while ago on my way to work. May you, child of God, always be reminded that wherever you go, whatever you do, you are living each moment, not for your own good, but for His glory. Sharing Christ to those who don’t know Him. Whatever you face, you have that power that comes from Him. There is nothing to fear. Instead, you and I can do everything in Christ Jesus. To Him be the glory forever.

First...

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)

Before an unspoken prayer…

Before any acts of service…

Even before a small faith that can move mountains…

Before each encouraging words and actions…

Before worship…

Goes a HEART….Offered first before any sacrifice…

May my heart seek You First, Oh Lord, the One and only true God. Daily…

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.- Matthew 6:33 (ESV)

No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.- Matthew 6:24 (ESV)

Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.- Proverbs 16:3 (ESV)

My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lordwith all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. – Proverbs 3:1-5 (ESV)

I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.You shall have no other gods before me.- Exodus 20:1-3(ESV)

The Greatest Is....The "Least"

I couldn’t believe the apology from an email I was waiting for since Friday. A personal inquiry I had sent her before I finally end my career at Corrections as a nurse. To me, it wasn’t even a big deal if she forgot to answer my question. But to my surprise! She apologized for taking a while to reply as she went to another department to confirm and make sure she would give me nothing but the RIGHT answer. It only took over 2 days in reality and those were not even counted as those were weekends and understandably, our offices in the county were closed.

I emailed her right back and thanked her. She might not know me but those little things never went unnoticed to me. Simple acts of service that I hungered for sometimes wherever I went. To get a grande cup of macchiato in Starbucks. Paying at a cash register. Looking for items I needed for a particular recipe in a grocery store.

I had been contemplating to resign before this year is over. I have been feeling that my time in the prison was coming to its end. Still…I am not sure what path to take. Except that with almost 16 years being there, God was the only One Who truly was faithful in guiding me. Calming me during times of trials. Giving me discernment during crucial decision making. Reminding me of His love and forgiveness despite what was thrown at me. Reminding me of His presence and power that truly He was and would always be my Boss as I worked.

Service…That I pray for those years I had done behind those thick walls, I never pleased anyone but only Him.

Anyone wanting to be the greatest must be the least…..the servant of all….

That’s what Jesus said…(Mark 9:35)

I look everywhere…Where is true service nowadays? If one is only devoted to humanity’s cause, more likely a broken heart ensues. But if the motive is love to God, then, nothing can hinder anyone from serving others.

I have learned from working 10 years in a hospital and almost 16 years in the prison, work has no fulfillment if I just viewed it merely as a job.

 But any work, no matter how insignificant it may seem, is truly an opportunity to serve God and man. Doing things with hands seem a mundane thing. But if those hands are paired with a willing heart and a servant attitude, then it becomes significant to whatever service it provides.

I have learned so much wherever the Lord takes me. Like seeing those who claim they are fulfilled because of what they have are not true. To me, those who live fulfilled lives usually are the ones busy serving others faithfully and unconditionally.

Oftentimes, inmates thank me for treatments I have done. Without them knowing, I learn so much from them when I forget my own needs as I try to help them with their ailments.

I am slowly giving hints to wonderful co-workers. With sadness, I know I will miss those who are truly dedicated in helping the incarcerated ones.

I know I will miss a lot of things when I leave...But in reality, there is no resignation under God’s Kingdom. He is just placing His willing servants to places where he or she may grow.

“Where to, Lord? Where to?” are my heart’s cries lately. Without anxiety. Without fear. Because I know, He will always be there no matter where He takes me…

Whatever your task, work heartily, as serving the Lord and not men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward; you are serving the Lord Christ – Colossians 3:23-24

For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many ~ Matthew 20:28

No Baggage

Some relatives stayed with us for a little over two weeks. They came with 3 luggages and on the day of their departure left with even more. A total of 6. But as the lightning lit up the dark skies that early morning last Saturday and the heavens seemed to protest through the deafening boom of thunders the spiritual battle my family and I discerned during that last moment, cries of unsettled heartaches remained. No matter how much we accepted them with love and asked to let go of the unseen spiritual baggage, my husband and I knew, no words would ever go through deaf ears, no loving actions be seen through blurry eyes of deception... Despite this family's struggle to try everything with their own strength to stay here in USA, they knew, my husband and I would never be able to help them if their stay would mean breaking the law or laws. That was the unresolved bitter feelings they allowed to grow in their hearts. They couldn't understand that as blood related, we wouldn't succumb to such kind of ill plans.

My heart grieved with the darts of accusations that followed from an email. A hateful answer to my initiated email filled with compassion and love. I told this relative, I believed in "actions speaking louder than words..." so I was confident, no matter what lies she had thrown at me and which I wouldn't accept, there were actions on our part full of love and concern that they couldn't deny.

Many nights we woke up with heavy hearts. My mental condition a lot weaker than the physical one. But my husband and I and even our child, we all knew... our obedience to Christ would always be the number one option even if it meant being hated by our own families.

This morning, groggily, I woke up with a clear thought though...

Of how Christ died on that wooden cross. His bloodied arms stretched and both hands nailed securely. His head bowed down as He ended His physical journey.

Even on His death, He is inviting all sinners. To come to Him at the foot of that cross. With His open arms. To each sinner to come empty and leave all spiritual baggage behind. Because on His death, that is where each sinner comes to life.

Lately, I had come across Matt Redman's new song "Unbroken Praise..." With my guitar, I loved everything about the simple lyrics and the hymn with it. But this morning, I never liked it. I ended up loving it more...Because that's what God wants...For my life to be the song. A life of unbroken praise that I can offer daily.

Lord, please grant the strength and Your wisdom to me and my family to continue to be Your vessels of love, mercy and compassion. At times where we don't have clear understanding and with hearts heavily wounded and  minds mentally drained, help us remember that You were wounded first. Where we are walking now, You were there first. Thank You Lord...You deserve our praise. You alone...

I love You Lord!

God's purpose was that we Jews who were the first to trust in Christ would bring praise and glory to God. - Ephesians 1:12 (NLT)

Monday Prayer

A prayer...We often don't utter...When our strayed hearts have wandered away from Your truth. Help us Lord to always be brought back on Your path. Remind us to always be willing vessels of Your love and mercy. This world is full of lost people. All people You love. All people You want to be saved. Lord, grant Your strength and wisdom to Your children undergoing persecution. Help us focus on what truly matters in this place. Nothing except to know You. To love You. To accept Your gift of forgiveness. And grow in humility and compassion. To serve You in Spirit and Truth. Help us, Lord...Help us...To be strong in this unseen battles we are in, Your children. Help us to remember we are battling in Your strength not ours. To remind us that in reality, we already have the victory, not because of what we had done or been doing. But because of You. To You Lord be the glory always, forever and ever. In Jesus' mighty Name. Amen.

Awful Bronchitis

I told my son I couldn’t be upset with his dad who had been coughing mildly since yesterday. He wouldn’t heed my advice. 

“Take a nap!” 

As his dad started cleaning minor stuff and decided to get the old, I thought looked like an unstable wooden ladder we had for many years. Ascended each worn out step with full trust and faith as his right hand held the brush, the left hand with a half-filled paint for touching up the white wooden valances he made himself few days ago.

Credit

How could I be upset? I had come down with bronchitis, too for about a week now. Despite lacking nasal congestion, I started hearing odd sounds as I breathed out last Friday night. I thought a velcro was being ripped out of my chest. Yet, I wasn’t having trouble breathing. I remembered…The late afternoons had been windy and perhaps, the unseen pollen that got scattered by hot valley winds had found a victim with hayfever like me.

I didn’t want to be on antibiotics. I was just sick a couple of months back and my doctor had to prescribe two kinds to combat the sinus issues I had at that time. If it was viral, the antibiotics would not work anyway. 

Has anyone of you ever had bronchitis? Mine was only mild but oh boy! The heaviness on the chest was awful and that “grating like sound” every time I exhaled. I didn’t need my stethoscope. But the worse part was the sudden bouts of coughs that made me feel like I would run out of breath. Never had that before! Along with it was the first discovery of the stress those coughs caused on my poor bladder. 

But despite those unwanted symptoms, I could never rest. I would get up and learned to do household chores anyway. 

Vacuum… Coughs…

Laundry… Coughs…

Clean the toilets and showers… Coughs…

Cook… Coughs… (as I struggled to cover my mouth)…

I was just grateful that the xray showed I didn’t have pneumonia. This had been a good learning season for me. To learn many home remedies to ease up such discomfort.  I had never downed so many kinds of broths and homemade soups in my life. Me? A coffee drinker learned to adjust to drinking green tea with lemon. My pockets always filled with honey-lemon candies. 

I heard my husband cough once or twice. 

“Rest!” I yelled. But with the tone that never forced him, too… I knew he would know his limit.

I just didn’t want him to end up like me having bronchitis. 

It’s one of those illnesses that makes one Christian stop and think and wish… for the Lord to return…

Because when He does…there is no time for awful, awful bronchitis…

By the way, for the first time...I have learned how to use an inhaler. Careful not to accidentally waste the mist and careful not to accidentally spray my eyes. 

Has Anyone Asked?

“I can’t believe it!”

Credit

I had been using different test strips and alternating the machines as I checked the morning blood sugars of the inmates whose names I had already given to the unit so they could be waken up and be ready when I got there. Every minute was valuable and not to be wasted as everyone’s “chow” carts (breakfasts) got delivered early. Oftentimes, two or more units getting their rations at the same time. For some reason, the inmate’s blood sugar kept registering “Error”. Battery surely wasn’t running low. I just opened that bottlewith fifty test strips so I knew that was a fresh batch.

“Let me go to the Clinic real quick and change my machine and the strips!” I advised to the inmates, still yawning and dragging themselves for those who were housed in the top tier, to come down and wait behind the bars that stood between us. I could hear silent protests but remained a “hush-hush” as the deputy had been escorting me the whole time. I apologized and they didn’t expect that. Used to harsh words amongst themselves and with Custody staff, my apology brought a surprising reaction from each woman’s face.

“Are you coming back right away?” they all asked as I took steps in a fast pace…I never answered.

Almost running, I was sure the north control was watching my moves. In a couple of minutes, I was back in that particular unit and the women, who patiently waited was grateful that it didn’t take a long time for me to return.

“You’re fast, Nurse,” came from a middle-aged diabetic woman who sometimes, gave me a hard time if I came too early and always refused her insulin even if the chow cart was already in the unit. Despite me explaining it could be given half an hour before, she was always persistent and always gave me that attitude that I couldn’t win over her argument. 

She didn’t know. I remained calm and allowed her to refuse one time. It wasn’t because I was scared of her but because I knew…she had all the rights to do so. And I was sure she knew that. Like others who would use that “right” to play games or manipulate situations. For their selfish advantages.

To see her smile and even read her own sugar level back to me, seeing I was recording it with my pen, was surely an extra-ordinary gesture for me. To top it all, to hear her say “Thank You” wiped away the onset of weariness that came from working all night long which was a busy night and always had been short of staff. Like that moment, I was just helping the LVN’s do their accuchecks because they had many bodies to follow up each and every day. Some requiring sugar checks four times a day.

She opened her right palm to receive the insulin syringe with the right dose she needed before eating her breakfast. With slightly dim surroundings, I could see her clearly injecting it to her abdomen. She handed it right back and thanked me again. The smile lingered as the figure with white t-shirt and orange pants turned away.

I knew…she would never forget that I rushed back. I hoped she would never give anyone a problem not just me during Accuchecks. Because she knew…it wasn’t only her waiting. There were many others lined up, like her, in each segment. In each unit.

Yeah…I learned it before. Manipulating with my own effort to get what I wanted. There are others out there, too. Not happy when things ended up not on my terms. But one thing was sure…

God is never slow to answer. He is quick to reach out His arm and save those who needs help.Anytime…Anywhere…And if He doesn't answer, it doesn't mean He's not doing anything...Maybe the "doing" needs to start within that person's heart...

The question is… “Has anyone asked Him???”

I lift my hands in prayer to you. I am waiting for your help, like a dry land waiting for rain. Hurry and answer me, Lord! I have lost my courage. Don’t turn away from me. Don’t let me die and become like the people lying in the grave. Show me your faithful love this morning. I trust in you. – Psalm 143:6-8 (ERV)