Grace

I wanted to get upset…As this female inmate gasped for breath in front of me. Complaining of “difficulty breathing and almost like a chest pain”, she described. She wouldn’t stop talking about how she didn’t deserve to be imprisoned. My advices to help her calm down were just going out her other ear.

“Okay…Stop talking! Take a deep breath!”

“My husband…and his mistress…” she paused as she labored to bring in some puffs of air into her lungs.

“Stop! I said! Just try to relax, Ma’am…”

She tried…But I could sense the heaviness of her heart…Of her heart that didn’t want to cease from contemplating how much she never deserved to be behind the bars. Her other worries that only herself knew of what transpired from the past and what perhaps were coming ahead. 

I was only helping the other nurse who initially treated her. The nurse didn’t want to give an inhaler when this inmate thought that it might help her. She had clear lung sounds. But deep inside, there was no inhaler that could ever help with the labored breathing provoked by an anxiety attack.

“Will it be okay if I issue her an inhaler anyway? It might help her calm down…”

“Go ahead…” the other nurse conceded.

Her shaking fingers could barely push down the inhaler to dispense the medication that she thought could loosen her tight lungs. She managed to utter “Thank you nurses” despite the anger that still had a tight grip on her heart and mind. As she managed to get 2 puffs from the inhaler, she gathered the little air she acquired and started voicing out her complaints against her husband again.

“Stop talking!” commanded the 2 deputies nearby. 

She just wouldn’t listen. I wanted to get upset myself knowing that no one could help her. No one… But herself!

Then…I was reminded…of her position. Angry about circumstances that I knew were so unfair. Like what the people from higher positions did to me. Demoted me and didn’t give me a reasonable accommodation for a specific request. The government agency that was supposed to help never investigated and never did what they were supposed to do…To help out those discriminated against in a workplace…I knew it was unfair. And I felt helpless. After exhausting a lot of process. 

But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble." (James 4:6, NIV)

“Breathe!!! Relax!”

I remember those inner, familiar Voices that comforted me the whole time.  And in those painful seasons of my life, His Word became my guidance that spoke nothing but truth. That because of His grace, I would be okay. Despite this place being opposed to His values. He taught me to be patient and try to relax because as I learned (and still continue to learn) patience, eternity would be the one that would correct all the wrongs I suffered from. Nothing…Nothing could ever calm a weary soul than His grace. There is no room for despair, worries, anxieties or fears, nor injustices…Because the best always comes last to a tried Christian…That it’s just right to always say… “Thank You Lord!”

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. (Philemon 1:25, NLT)