Doubting Can Be A Good Thing

I was assigned to orient a new Per Diem nurse last night when I went to work. The orientee got a call from one of the units and had requested if nurses could go there to assess two female inmates who got into a minor scuffle. I offered a deal with her as we started dashing out into the hallway that led to that unit. I asked her if she wanted to take one and I would assess the other so she could start honing her skills without me always breathing on her neck. She willingly agreed, enthused with so many incidents happening that would help her learn more in the prison setting.

They were “cellies” (cellmates). Different background and color. The orientee assessed the first one that the deputy brought to a small clinic in their unit. She was visibly very upset and angry. First time in prison. So angry because her release was approaching and she didn’t want any trouble. She wouldn’t stop talking and not listening at times to the deputy when she was asked to “shut up”...No obvious injuries. I advised the orientee to tell her anyway to request a sick call in case some symptoms would surface few days later. She kept crying while talking in a loud voice, looking at me directly in the eye, wanting me to believe that she didn’t start the fight. I kept silent as I was not in the position to relate anything about custody issues.

The second one was brought in (my turn). She was calm. Haggard-looking. Started whining that it was the other girl who hit her first that her tooth became loose. She lifted her upper lip and started pushing the only 2 teeth remaining on the upper gum. One was swaying back and forth. I asked if she had a history of using illegal drugs. She admitted that she did. Heavily. I told the deputy that there were very minor scratches on her right wrist and left side of her nose. I wouldn’t consider the loose tooth as injury.

When the inmates were brought back to a holding cell, the deputy and 2 of us were left in the tiny clinic. The other nurse asked me who I thought was saying the truth. I said the first one. She was surprised at first to hear my answer because there was no obvious injury with that lady she saw. She wanted to know why I chose her.

The inmate you saw was visibly upset. When something was done that violated your space or your privacy, I think I would be so upset. She was obviously bigger than the other one. If she truly hit the inmate I saw, there would be a bigger injury than those minor scratches I noted. Who knew? That inmate could have just scratched herself. There were nothing on her hands, too that if we saw redness or swelling or something, we would know, she was the one who hit the other lady. She was upset because she didn’t want to have any problems here that she didn’t even want to file a charge because she just wanted to be released and go home. The other woman I saw was calm. She was a heavy Meth user that all of her teeth were recessed to her gums except those 2 remaining teeth. One was loose but there was no bleeding and she was not even in pain when she was showing us and started moving it back and forth. If she truly got hit, there would be some swelling, bleeding, something that would tell us that something landed on that part of her face. It seemed like she wanted to have her cellmate be in trouble.

Photo Credit

The other nurse who perhaps, doubted my response saw a different light when I got done talking. She agreed. She forgot. There were always 2 sides to a story. But her doubting was a good reaction, too. It made her want to know the truth. In prison, not everything was told was the truth. 

Thomas, Jesus’ disciple didn’t want to believe that Jesus rose from the dead and didn’t want to believe until he saw the nail wounds in Jesus’ hands and feet, be able to put his fingers into them, and place his hand into the wound in Jesus’ side (John20:25). He was named “doubting Thomas” because of that and was applied to those who are slow in knowing Jesus as the Savior. But Thomas was the one who also said to die with Jesus despite the dangers known of being with Jesus when He was about to go to Jerusalem (John 11:16). He was loyal to Jesus.

I struggled with my faith at one point in my life’s journey. I think we all do the same. Doubting in God can be a good thing only if it encourages a person to get an answer and find the answer and decide from there. Doubts can sharpen the mind. Doubts can lead into seeking and finding the truth…

27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” –John 20:27, 28 (NIV)



Nails In Your Hands (Mercy Me)

(CHORUS A)
The nails in your hands
The nail in your feet,
They tell me how much you love me
The thorns in your brow,
They tell me how, you bore so much shame to love me.

(CHORUS B)

And when the heavens pass away,
All your scars will still remain,
And forever they will say,
How much you love me.

Forever my love
Forever my heart
Forever my life is yours
Forever my love
Forever my heart
Forever my life is yours
its yours