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After working in the prison system for many years, despite the condition, I have learned to adapt to it. This is the place where spiritually, I have grown. When God brought me here, it became one of tangible evidence of His presence in my life, knowing I wouldn’t be able to survive in this place without His help nor guidance and protection. Spiritually, many evil spirits are in this place: murder, lust, lying, fear, religiosity, pride and many other that are detestable to God.
As my battle with some people started, I never feared knowing the position I’m in because of what God has done. We all are winners if we have allowed Jesus to have a home in our hearts. And that is our duty as believers: to remain standing despite the evil days knowing that it is not our own effort that saves us. It is what Jesus had done for us. We are redeemed!!!
“When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.” –John 19:30 (NIV)
As I wait patiently for the Lord and His perfect timing, I am learning to reflect on so many things. Aside from Him taking me away from a particular group that does things that will never be beneficial to my spirit life, He is allowing me to nurse my own wound. He is making me learn to try to forgive no matter how deep the wound they create in my heart. Only then, I will be able to help others (inmates or co-workers)’ wounded hearts more effectively if I let my own wounds heal first. Healed by His love.
The truth is….we, as Christians never stop working daily. We have a duty to defend what we believe in. We must always be ready to defend our faith when we are mingling with those who don’t know Jesus.
“Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit.” – 1 Peter 3:13-18 (NIV)
The Closed Caption was scrolling my TV as always, for I do not hear if it is at full blast, or turned off. The set was on, but in the background of my daily evening events. I looked up to see a distraught teen girl, clearly bearing a burden too large.
ReplyDeleteHer father approached her and asked what was wrong.
She denied trouble, but her appearance betrayed the captioned words.
Only a father would persist, to draw out the agony of his lovely 17 year old daughter. Soon, she revealed how her best friend had humiliated her at school, and she was unable to account for the betrayal behavior, or forgive. She called her girlfriend a "back stabber".
Closed Captioning sometimes fails to accurately state what is going on, and often gets "stuck" as events move on, but the words no longer flow.
It happened here as the father counseled the daughter in her dilemma.
Two words stayed frozen on my screen: "back stabber".
The show went on; those two words stayed put.
I sat down because watching those words reminded me how sore my back was, from all the back stabbers I have known.
I began to make a mental list as I stared at the words "back stabber".
The daughter had brilliant red hair; so did one of my back stabbers coming to mind.
An adulterer; a thief; a liar extraordinaire; a reputation molester; an attorney; a friend on the golf course---a gentleman's game of character---who plotted to steal my job.....and was successful by way of lies; and more, and more.
As my mind drifted to all these people of a lifetime, the "back stabber" remained as the last words spoken, but the show had moved on.
But I was NOT moving on. I was staring at the words that would not scroll....and thinking about the days and years gone by, and the back stabbers who came to mind.
In college, I lived by a woman who did pottery and had her own kiln, to fire up clay into ceramic. It was a precise machine. Not so,... long ago.
In ancient days, a pottery kiln could not be temperature controlled, and timing was crucial. Often, ceramic came out and had cracks as a result of the inaccuracy of no kiln. Scrupulous artisans tossed out the bad ceramic pieces.
Unscrupulous filled in the cracks with wax. When the jar or item was then painted, the wax could not be seen unless carefully viewed in bright light.
Wax back then was called "cera".
The makers of fine pottery, the scrupulous, never used wax, as it was deception. "No" was literally "sin" "Sin cera" meant "no wax", and was often stamped on a product to note it was genuine. No cracks were filled with wax. It was the real thing being sold to you every time. Genuine.
Trustworthy. Sin cera. Sincere.
On a nearby table, to me, was a wax candle. I lit it and prayed for a lifetime of the back stabbers who came to mind, in a serendipity moment....staring at a TV show.
My evening reading that night ended with a question.
"Who is the hardest person for you to forgive?"
Above, was a story on God forgiving, and those who chose to NOT forgive, set themselves to a higher standard than God Himself (in their minds) and thus sin. They serve a false God....themselves.
I had just thought of a whole lifetime of back stabbers earlier, and now, meandered the list to determine who was hardest to forgive, as I lay reading.
It took a long time to decide among three candidates.
Finally I narrowed the culprit down.
Me.
The hardest person for me to forgive is ME, for I chose every one of those back stabbers to be a part of my life. My discernment; my choice; my trust; not one of those people would be in my life without permission by me.
The TV screen Captions eventually scrolled and caught up with the dialog.
And in jettisoning the back stabbers I have known, I, too,....
have caught up with the dialog of my own life.
Dominos vobiscum; The Lord Be With You, Rosel.
Ps. 1 Peter 3:15 is among my favorites.
I love that song! What a blessing to listen to the words. I pray that you will take this time to refresh and heal. Different personalities at work can be stressful. I think the type of work you do can be a blessing but challenging. But I always see you as a light to the inmates and your co-workers. I carpool each day to work with a gal who is agnostic. She is so opposite me but we've forged a friendship that is very dear to both of us. She hears about my Lord and I listen to her. She tells me that she loves that I take the time to listen. I think so many people need that. But I am also praying for her salvation and that the Lord might use me to plant seeds in her life.
ReplyDeleteSending you a hug,
Debbie
I appreciate you sharing your story. For we are NOT alone in our sufferings. I do pray that God heals your hurt is there is any in your heart and makes it easier and easier for you to forgive. God is such a wonderful healer and protector that it blows my mind, I really can't comprehend it! Have a blessed day. Please stop by my blog as well. it' always lovely to see people who aren't afraid to say they follow Christ and trying to live a Christian lifestyle :) God bless you.
ReplyDeleteHi -
ReplyDeleteBe encouraged, precious lady.
All things work together for good to those who love GOD... - Romans 8:28 - KJV
I love you dear sister and friend.
ReplyDeleteForgive me if I have been somewhat wordless of late...the woes in life sometimes are all too consuming. You always encourage me with your strong walk with the Lord in your trials. Thank you for that...for always keeping me and all here in your prayers amidst everything going on in your life.
I am praying fervently for you and your work situation.
Hugging you across the miles,
Alleluiabelle
Rosel what a wonderful story and the song is perfect. I know your work environment can be a challenge to say the least, I commend you for what you are doing dear one. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteThinking and keeping you in continued prayer Rosel. I know from first hand experience how hard it is to work in an environment that is hostile to our Lord and Savior. Hang in there and keep the faith. God bless, Lloyd
ReplyDelete