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“Okay, nurse Rcubes,” greeted the unit’s nurse as she walked out from the bubble [control room], looking exhausted and upset.
“I tried everything. He just didn’t want to deal with me anymore because I wouldn’t send him to the hospital. He wants a doctor now. I’ll let you try to deal with him because when he didn’t get what he wanted, now he’s complaining of chest pain,” she explained.
He was one of those inmates, going in and out of the hospital for chest pains. Despite the vital signs being normal, we just couldn’t ignore those kind of complaints. Because you just never know if it was the real deal.
He was sitting on the bottom bunk, housed alone. Not looking at me, he constantly was rubbing his chest.
“Sir, would you be able to go to our “G room” [nursing clinic in a unit] so I can do an EKG on you and see what’s going on in your heart?” I asked.
Still not looking at me and perceiving there were 3 shadows lurking in front of him [2 deputies and myself], he answered, “No! I can’t get up!” he uttered in a slightly raised voice.
“I understand that you got upset with the other nurse. But your vital signs were normal. That’s why I wanted to do this EKG so I can find out if I need you to go to the hospital.”
“I said I can’t get up!” he said in a louder and higher tone.
The deputy butted in, “So, if you couldn’t get up, how did you manage to ring the bell? [which was up on the wall, a few steps away from his bed].”
This made him more upset and now yelling, “Get the ___ out! If you don’t want to send me to the hospital, get the ___ out!” he demanded.
“I can’t force to do an EKG on you but I want to let you know that it’s available when you feel like you can use it,” I answered still trying to be calm, despite knowing that there was nothing wrong with him. In my heart, I felt sadness…
Sadness, knowing that we, nurses, just want to help them and a lot of them turn up always upset, speaking in foul languages back to us. Despite us knowing they are just being manipulative, we still try to treat them with respect. In a way, it hurts deep inside. It feels like something is violated when they don’t respond to the kindness shown. Not that we expect anything back. But they have choices to make. To do things: good or bad.
I feel sadness, too. Everyday. Trying to ponder whether I hurt Him or not. I know that I can bring sorrow to the Holy Spirit by the way I live. And that’s my prayer…Knowing that I am not perfect. Like a child who imitates the parents, I want to follow Him. His example. Jesus’ example. His great love for us nailed Him on that cross. So I can live. So you can live. He wants us to love Him first, then, love others. So, what’s the best way to live? That is to follow Christ...
“And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” ~ Ephesians 4:30-32
Lord, I have nothing to offer You but only my heart. My life. My everything. Forgive me for hurting You. Please forgive me for grieving Your Spirit. Create in me a clean heart Oh Lord. I want to know You more. On a deeper level. Help me Lord to make the right decisions. And that is to follow You in all of my ways. Thank You Lord for Your love. Your mercy. Your grace. I love You Lord. Thank You for loving me first. Help me grow in Your love and knowledge. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Such a precious prayer sis, love you dearly.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to when I have time and get to read your posts. You consistently encourage and inspire me.
ReplyDeleteAs to your patient, I think it's extra hard with mentally ill individuals. In addition to the typical manipulation, there's also the fact that they are sometimes convinced of untrue things that no amount of logic or reasoning in the world will convince them different.
What challenges you face in your nursing profession. I've no doubt, though, that you are uniquely fitted by the Lord to be there, and to minister as His emissary.
ReplyDeleteBesides that, you have such a gift for weaving your experiences into testimonies or life-lessons that we all get to ponder.
Blessings,
Kathleen
Thank you for another insightful post. It is hard sometimes to deal with people, even those we love dearly. God bless you in your work.
ReplyDeleteTimely video and song Rosel. Thank you for another wonderful post as well. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteI come in agreement with your prayer as I pray the same thing. Lord I give you my heart is one of my favorite worship songs. Love the post.
ReplyDeleteRosel,
ReplyDeleteYou know when I have visions of you it is first at the feet of Jesus kneeling, then I see you as a teacher, then I see you w this powerful armor over you, yet w/ a wand that is full of love and strength on one end and then yet a god given ability to set a boundary again in love. I love how you teach and love no matter where you are or what you are doing! Thank you for shining the Light of Jesus in ALL you do!
I love you Rosel
Some patients are very difficult, whether from fear or just to be obnoxious, who can say. It takes patience and prayer all the time.
ReplyDeleteI love that song! I love singing it with all my heart also. Bless you today.
Hello Sister. I wonder if the inmate just wanted to leave the jail -- a change of scenery, a sense of normalty again. So sad indeed. I can't imagine being trapped, held against my will like that.
ReplyDeleteI hate to grieve our Lord too Rosel.
Bless you friend!
Beth
I echo what Beth in NC said. The inmate sounds like he's trying to find freedom although in a crazy way. Freedom....is a gift. His gift and you are a blessing. Life for so many is too hard...I'm glad you're there even though sometimes I'm sure it all weighs on you. Praying for His strength to fill you everytime you step into that prison.
ReplyDeleteAmen. Beautiful post my friend.
ReplyDeleteAll my thoughts and prayers.
XO
Hi! Yes, it is sad when all we want to do is help someone. I recently was asked out by a guy at church. I accepted and we spent three days talking and hanging out. He constantly talked about his ex and she even texted his cell phone nasty comments about me. (She doesn't know me.) He kept telling me he was over her (I asked b/c I wanted to know before I invested any more time)but turns out he was lying. They got back together. All this after he told me he was over her and how hurt he was that in the year they dated he was the one giving 100% (paying her bills, buying her expensive gifts, taking her Starbucks and donughts at work, buying and lots of time doing all the cooking of the groceries, making her car payments to keep it from being repossessed....on and on and on. I guess you can't make someone see what is right under their nose. They have to learn the hard way. I'm thanking God for a closed door. It just means he has something/someone else better for me!
ReplyDelete