I was there in that dark and lonely, small room, contemplating to end my life. The year was sometime in 1990. Being away from my family for 4 years at that time, with nowhere to go to, trapped in a nightmare that I never expected, my tears were flowing endlessly. I was pleading for some divine intervention, that at that time, I wasn’t sure if there was. Until He made it known that He was true. That He heard me. As I wept and told Him my problems, I asked for forgiveness and wanted Him to direct my life.
Weeks later, He gave me a way out with the ordeal I was facing.
I didn’t want to tell my loving parents back home, because I didn’t want them to worry about me. Nor did I want for their relationship with my uncle soured. My uncle [my mother’s first cousin] helped me to come here through adoption. He said only to help me out so I could take Nursing here. The kindness he showed when he was in our country was not the same when I got here. He loved me more than his own children. But along with that, came a character that was difficult for me to understand. He didn’t want to let me go. He didn’t want me to open bank accounts. He didn’t want me to open any credit accounts.
I was confused. Yet, he wanted me to call him “dad” and my aunt “mom”. I was grateful for the treatment he gave me as if I was his own kid. I worked so hard. I woke up early to help clean the house. I studied hard. I worked part time so I didn’t need to ask for money as much as possible. My own biological father and some of my own siblings were sending me financial support at times. But he was upset about that.
I found solace when I was at work, the opposite, when I should be tired and should long to be home, resting on bed. But I would rather stay at work. Every time I would be near his house as I went home, it felt like my heart was being pricked with so many, many thorns.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted my own place. I wanted out. And it was that night that I surrendered to Someone I had ignored for so long…
Tonight, as I was praising the Lord with the songs He put into my heart, I saw this song I had composed back in September 20, 2005. At that time, looking back at what transpired after that night, I now know, that the Lord did give me a way out! He took me out of that trap and “freed” me…I didn’t deserve that. But that is His nature: unconditional love, endless forgiveness. Here is the song I wanted to share with you. To God be the glory!
Why Me?
I bent my knees at the stillness of the night
Cried out my heart with tears from my eyes
I’m all alone in Your presence
I felt the warmth of Your love
Chorus:
[spoken: I had to ask/A sinner like me]…Why me, Lord, why me?
I turned my back on You but You still accepted me
Why me, Lord, why me?
Your love and grace came pouring down…..on me…
And right there I died but I’d be proud to say
Christ….now lives in me
I’m never alone for You’re always in my heart
Your faithful love carries me…
[Repeat Chorus]
Why me?
Sweet sis, I love you.
ReplyDelete"Why me?"
ReplyDeleteThere is absolutely nothing about any of us to cause a holy..righteous God to do anything but condemn our souls to hell....but He saved us anyway!!!! I just can't grasp it all.
Bless your sweet heart, thanks for sharing that. Thank our compassionate, loving God for salvation. That's a heartfelt song for sure. Hugs ~
ReplyDeleteRosel, I am sorry you were ever hurting that bad. I Thank God for answering your Prayers. For taking care of you in your time of need. I am blessed to have to as my friend. Many Blessings, Audrey
ReplyDeleteTeardrops are pleadings to the Lord from the heart!
ReplyDeleteThey come from expressions of great joy and thanksgiving.
Or, they come from expressions of intense grief and pain in the heart.
Teardrops are the language of the heart.
Why you?
Your teardrops called from your heart...to HIS.
And He answered. He always does.
People collect different items; coins, stamps, journals. God collects teardrops!
They are all treasures laid up in heaven.
"Record my lament;
list my tears on your scroll —
are they not in your record?"
~~~Psalm 56:8
Why record them and collect them?
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
~~~Revelation 21:4
Splash away!
Sweet Sister, sharing our life through testimony always brings others close to Him...always :)
ReplyDeleteYou're precious, beautiful and your words in song must be to Him as the sweetest fragrance imaginable.
Love to you.
"Until He made it known that He was true." This is such a true statement!
ReplyDeletePraise God that He never gives up on us.
In His Grace,
Tammy
Come over for a visit fro Edie's blog and glad I did. Nice to me you.
Praise God, He rescued you out of your situation and set your feet on the right path, He is so good! Beautiful song. I pray He puts many more songs in your heart to sing His praise.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing some of your story. It is inspiring to see how God worked in even the bad stuff in your life.
ReplyDeleteI relate to your sentiment about why should He be so good to me.
BTW - I really like how you've got the box atop the post with a picture and scripture.
RCube - wow. Sharing that part of your life drew me closer to you. You have been touched with pain, you understand. Our pain can be different - but pain is pain. Tons and tons of hugs to you my sister. Yep - you are my sister. You said it to me and I know it. Take gentle care of yourself. Sarah
ReplyDeleteI rejoice with you in the freedom God gave you through this deliverance. You are one courageous gal! I admire that and join in with these lyrics in praise of our Father God.
ReplyDeleteWow, dear one! I too appreciate your sharing this story of your uncle/aunt with us. The words to the song is so beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing dear one..... Blessings and hugs!
ReplyDeleteWow! It is so encouraging to know that you found that freedom!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this part of your story. I could feel you anxiety as I read and in other ways I know that kind of pain. Though my story is different, I know what it feels like to be trapped in a situation you have little or no control over. The Lord prevails and he is so amazing. You accepting him as Lord and being in tune with his calling brought you to this place of freedom. Bless the Lord for bringing you to himself. For giving you a way out and showing you the way into his heart. You are a trouper and a fighter. I am glad I stopped by here tonight. I made me think about some things I have not thought about in some time. Good things.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. What a precious story and song. Your have such a love for the Lord and you are a blessing to me. The comment you left at lily valley really was meaningful to me.
ReplyDeleteYou know it just astounds me how good Gods grace is. Sufficient even when I am not in who I am. Thank you so much for this post. I have been there..breathed it and finally came out of that valley with Joy. Bless you!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you! Praise the LORD!!!
ReplyDeletewww.shoutajoyfulnoise.com
Rosel,
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful blessing to me. I love you my sister in Christ. I understand.
God bless you.
Bren
Wow, thanks for sharing a little about your past Rosel. I'm so glad God rescued you. It seems we all have to experience pain before we realize we need to be rescued.
ReplyDeleteLove and blessings!
That time in your life must have been so difficult! But looking back, you can probably see that in your deepest need, God poured His very best over you. Those crooked paths do end up on a glorious mountop!
ReplyDeleteOh my sweet friend and sister,
ReplyDeleteI love you!! My heart feels your heart through this entire post and I sing along with you to the beautiful words that you wrote in your song to the Lord. You are such an inspiration to me and to all of us and I thank God for you Rosel. You are beautiful woman with a beautiful heart made so perfectly by Him. YOU ARE DEVINELY DESIGNED!
Thank you for sharing this part of your life. I'm so sorry that you had to endure such pain and heartache during that time in your life. You are such a beautiful presence of God's finest workmanship.
My love, hugs & prayers,
Alleluiabelle
Praise God. Wonderful testimony of brokenness and hardship. He was there all the time! Beautiful song!
ReplyDeleteBlessings.
Regina
That sounds like such a scary situation to have been in Rosel. I'm sorry you had to endure that and am glad that season is behind you. I love the lyrics of your song. Beautiful my friend!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad and thankful that the Lord delivered you from that nightmare/trap. I love the beautiful words in your song. Thanks for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteHi Rosel,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for all of the pain that you had to endure for all those years. I am so glad that the Lord rescued you from all of that and gave you a new life and direction in Him. Praise God that He is so merciful to hear the wounded cries of His people!
My sweet sister. You are so dear to me! I am so glad for the opportunity to get to know the incredible woman that you are. I am sorry I haven't been able to write often but please know that you are in my thoughts.
This quarter has been very difficult at school. I have a class that by all means shouldn't be taking up so much of my time, but the teacher is new to teaching, and has loaded us down with assignments. I have to fight each week to maintain the grades that I deserve because of a new computer program that we are using. The new program is FULL of errors, and all of the students in the class are beyond frustrated because it automatically gives grades - and not always the RIGHT grades. (long story)
It is causing me lots of stress and on more than one occasion I have heard the Lord speak to my heart to let it go - and yet, how hard that is when you know that getting into the nursing program depends on the best grades possible. It seems that I have to give it over to God daily- my sinful nature keeps taking it back and worrying over it -
Ah well - this too shall pass - right? I haven't been much of a friend lately to anyone because I have been so busy and I am sure I haven't been the funnest person to live with in my house either :)
Please know that even though I may not be able to respond much - that you are in my thoguhts and prayers okay?
((Hugs))
Kymber