I was there in that dark and lonely, small room, contemplating to end my life. The year was sometime in 1990. Being away from my family for 4 years at that time, with nowhere to go to, trapped in a nightmare that I never expected, my tears were flowing endlessly. I was pleading for some divine intervention, that at that time, I wasn’t sure if there was. Until He made it known that He was true. That He heard me. As I wept and told Him my problems, I asked for forgiveness and wanted Him to direct my life.
Weeks later, He gave me a way out with the ordeal I was facing.
I didn’t want to tell my loving parents back home, because I didn’t want them to worry about me. Nor did I want for their relationship with my uncle soured. My uncle [my mother’s first cousin] helped me to come here through adoption. He said only to help me out so I could take Nursing here. The kindness he showed when he was in our country was not the same when I got here. He loved me more than his own children. But along with that, came a character that was difficult for me to understand. He didn’t want to let me go. He didn’t want me to open bank accounts. He didn’t want me to open any credit accounts.
I was confused. Yet, he wanted me to call him “dad” and my aunt “mom”. I was grateful for the treatment he gave me as if I was his own kid. I worked so hard. I woke up early to help clean the house. I studied hard. I worked part time so I didn’t need to ask for money as much as possible. My own biological father and some of my own siblings were sending me financial support at times. But he was upset about that.
I found solace when I was at work, the opposite, when I should be tired and should long to be home, resting on bed. But I would rather stay at work. Every time I would be near his house as I went home, it felt like my heart was being pricked with so many, many thorns.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted my own place. I wanted out. And it was that night that I surrendered to Someone I had ignored for so long…
Tonight, as I was praising the Lord with the songs He put into my heart, I saw this song I had composed back in September 20, 2005. At that time, looking back at what transpired after that night, I now know, that the Lord did give me a way out! He took me out of that trap and “freed” me…I didn’t deserve that. But that is His nature: unconditional love, endless forgiveness. Here is the song I wanted to share with you. To God be the glory!
I bent my knees at the stillness of the night
Cried out my heart with tears from my eyes
I’m all alone in Your presence
I felt the warmth of Your love
[spoken: I had to ask/A sinner like me]…Why me, Lord, why me?
I turned my back on You but You still accepted me
Why me, Lord, why me?
Your love and grace came pouring down…..on me…
And right there I died but I’d be proud to say
Christ….now lives in me
I’m never alone for You’re always in my heart
Your faithful love carries me…
The Attacker (5/15/09)
The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies.
Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.
Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.
All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.
When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.
The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.
When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.
[Source: NLT Bible ]:
We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.
“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14
Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].
Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.
Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.
Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].