Look At Me

“Do you mind seeing this inmate complaining of side pain?”, asked the charge nurse.

“Not at all,” I replied.

A young male walked into the door, holding the back part of his right side, slightly limping and grimacing in obvious pain. Before I had the chance to start asking him, a per diem LVN walked up to the big window and started asking the inmate some questions, wanting to help me in a way.

“So what’s up? You’re so young to be hurting like this. What’s wrong with you?”

“I have a history of having kidney stones,” was the reply.

“You? Kidney stones? Who diagnosed you? So, you come here to jail to get the treatment, right?” continued my co-worker.

The inmate slightly raised his voice, in an obvious upset tone, “No! I don’t come here to be treated. I don’t even need any narcotic. But this hurts. You don’t understand.”

The LVN gave him a cup as I directed and I tested it for urinalysis. It was positive for blood. I took that opportunity to take over in seeing the inmate. I let him in and had him sit on a chair. But his anger was already erupting.

“You guys tell me that I’m lying or what? That I come here to get drugs for pain?,” he mumbled under his breath, his head bowed low.

I couldn’t blame him. For I was upset, too with what I just witnessed in that exchange of conversation. Upset at my co-worker.

“Sir, look at me…” I requested.

He continued to mumble with his angry rants.

“Sir, please look at me.” This time, he did and looked at me eye to eye.

“I can’t speak for everyone’s behavior here. But I want to apologize for whatever inappropriate behavior my co-worker had shown with you. I need you to listen to me. Because I do believe you’re in pain. I believe that you have kidney stones. And I want to help you to the best that I can.”

Pause…Sigh…Then, he uttered, “Thank you, Ma’am. For believing in me,” as he started wincing in pain.

“I am going to send you to the hospital because you do need to be examined there to see how bad the stones are. At least, they can also help you with your pain control. But I need you to just be patient during the whole process. We have to wait for the deputy to take you there.”

“I can wait, Ma’am. Thank you so much for your help.” He got up and went back to the waiting area.

I pulled my charge nurse away from her desk and talked with her privately. I told her I wanted to confront the LVN for that inappropriate behavior. But I believed it would help if she was the one to address the issue and warn not only him [the LVN], but also the rest of the staff. It was not our duty to judge the inmates. No matter how bad they were, it was our duty to help them with their medical problems and not be concerned with their social backgrounds. The other consequence was that inmates could retaliate by hurting staff if embarassed that way...She understood and immediately talked with the LVN.

After many hours, the inmate returned, smiling now and more trusting. He thanked me. I looked at the discharge paperworks that came from the hospital. The diagnosis was kidney stones. They had to give him something strong for pain and wanted him to be followed up in a few days.



I don’t know about you for whatever circumstances you have gone through that you distanced yourself from God. I don’t know what life has thrown at you that you think God doesn’t care. He doesn’t listen. He is too far away. He doesn’t love you….But friends, feeling that way is dangerous. Because we cannot measure God with human kind of standards. The truth is…God loves us all. He is always listening and He is always ever near.

Is it right to be angry at God? The answer is “no”…That is being proud for sinful creatures to disapprove of what God allows and does.

Yes, it’s okay to express your anger to God but it’s wrong to stay angry…He is waiting for you to “look at Him”. He wants a relationship with you. When you hold a grudge against Him, the more the distance between you and God widens. Guess who’ll suffer in the end?