Look At Me

“Do you mind seeing this inmate complaining of side pain?”, asked the charge nurse.

“Not at all,” I replied.

A young male walked into the door, holding the back part of his right side, slightly limping and grimacing in obvious pain. Before I had the chance to start asking him, a per diem LVN walked up to the big window and started asking the inmate some questions, wanting to help me in a way.

“So what’s up? You’re so young to be hurting like this. What’s wrong with you?”

“I have a history of having kidney stones,” was the reply.

“You? Kidney stones? Who diagnosed you? So, you come here to jail to get the treatment, right?” continued my co-worker.

The inmate slightly raised his voice, in an obvious upset tone, “No! I don’t come here to be treated. I don’t even need any narcotic. But this hurts. You don’t understand.”

The LVN gave him a cup as I directed and I tested it for urinalysis. It was positive for blood. I took that opportunity to take over in seeing the inmate. I let him in and had him sit on a chair. But his anger was already erupting.

“You guys tell me that I’m lying or what? That I come here to get drugs for pain?,” he mumbled under his breath, his head bowed low.

I couldn’t blame him. For I was upset, too with what I just witnessed in that exchange of conversation. Upset at my co-worker.

“Sir, look at me…” I requested.

He continued to mumble with his angry rants.

“Sir, please look at me.” This time, he did and looked at me eye to eye.

“I can’t speak for everyone’s behavior here. But I want to apologize for whatever inappropriate behavior my co-worker had shown with you. I need you to listen to me. Because I do believe you’re in pain. I believe that you have kidney stones. And I want to help you to the best that I can.”

Pause…Sigh…Then, he uttered, “Thank you, Ma’am. For believing in me,” as he started wincing in pain.

“I am going to send you to the hospital because you do need to be examined there to see how bad the stones are. At least, they can also help you with your pain control. But I need you to just be patient during the whole process. We have to wait for the deputy to take you there.”

“I can wait, Ma’am. Thank you so much for your help.” He got up and went back to the waiting area.

I pulled my charge nurse away from her desk and talked with her privately. I told her I wanted to confront the LVN for that inappropriate behavior. But I believed it would help if she was the one to address the issue and warn not only him [the LVN], but also the rest of the staff. It was not our duty to judge the inmates. No matter how bad they were, it was our duty to help them with their medical problems and not be concerned with their social backgrounds. The other consequence was that inmates could retaliate by hurting staff if embarassed that way...She understood and immediately talked with the LVN.

After many hours, the inmate returned, smiling now and more trusting. He thanked me. I looked at the discharge paperworks that came from the hospital. The diagnosis was kidney stones. They had to give him something strong for pain and wanted him to be followed up in a few days.

I don’t know about you for whatever circumstances you have gone through that you distanced yourself from God. I don’t know what life has thrown at you that you think God doesn’t care. He doesn’t listen. He is too far away. He doesn’t love you….But friends, feeling that way is dangerous. Because we cannot measure God with human kind of standards. The truth is…God loves us all. He is always listening and He is always ever near.

Is it right to be angry at God? The answer is “no”…That is being proud for sinful creatures to disapprove of what God allows and does.

Yes, it’s okay to express your anger to God but it’s wrong to stay angry…He is waiting for you to “look at Him”. He wants a relationship with you. When you hold a grudge against Him, the more the distance between you and God widens. Guess who’ll suffer in the end?


  1. Oh, how God must smile when He looks at you my friend. I love you.

  2. Respect and truth, then taking the problem to a Higher Authority to take action against those who have no use for respect and truth.

    I can't wait to meet you in heaven one day, and discuss all the things you never were able to blog. I doubt that only one story a day occurs in jail. We will talk!

    My sister almost died in Florida this week, as a pickup passed on a curve, and she left the road to avoid a head on crash. So did the guy being passed. Both came within an inch of death.
    Priorities were long ago established, and my sister Mary wrote me "A~Mary~Note", as they are always titled.

    She explained the story and then said "I love you", just as Denise does above me to you.
    Mary has written that way all her life, recognizing priorities. You might not get a chance later, so say what you feel NOW.

    Since Denise started that line, and Mary said the same days ago to me, I thought I would throw in my two cents here and add "I love you". The reason? You always love the unlovable so well....just like my God!

    Be well.
    You are already loved.

  3. @sister Denise: God brought this incident tomind last night, I couldn't sleep until I was able to post it by midnight. Blessings and love to you.

  4. @ Keystone: You're right. There are so many things that goes on in just one night at work. The truth was that I haven't been able to go to work for almost 2 weeks when my son got sick. But because there are so many things occurring, I try to write them and save them...God brings a lot to mind usually after 2 nights of work. It's for Him...I'm sure we'll talk!!!Can't wait to hear more of the stories though by that time, "no more mysteries!!!" Love back at you brother in Christ because that's what God wants, love Him first, then love others...It's all about Him...So, glory to God forever and ever! God bless.

  5. Oh, dear sweet friend...I know why he put this on your heart and I know who and what you were praying about...Your prayers were answered early this morning. GOD BLESS you for interceding.
    Blessings, andrea

    PS: I sent you and email.

  6. I am going to put my two cents in along with Denise and Keystone and say that you amaze us all with the lives that you touch for Jesus and it makes us all love you so much!! As we read what you write, it makes us all feel as if we are right there with you in the midst of ministering to people who hurt so much. In reality, I guess we are, because we are all one in Christ. That makes me feel so good inside. :)
    Have a great day Rosel!

  7. God bless you for treating the inmates with love and respect. God certainly uses you in your role. What a ministry Rosel.

    Again, I loved your cartoon.


  8. @ sister Andrea: Yes! Glory to God for answered prayers. I didn't even think about that until you said it...:) Love and blessings to you.

  9. @ sister Christy: It's always Him Who inspires me and leads an incident to His Word...I am praying that the Lord will use me as His tool to bring His light, His love and kindness as I go to that dark place. It's not scary when I have Him with me...Thank you for your encouraging comment. We are One in Spirit and I'm grateful for that. So, glory be to God!

  10. @ sister Beth: Thank you for the encouraging comment. I'm glad that you liked the video as much as I did! It is short but powerful! God bless.

  11. Rosel,

    I can't wait to see just how God blesses you for each day the amount of people you help not only in a medical way but also showing them kindness that others forgo.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  12. I love this post!

    Appreciate your focus as a nurse and adore the way you've tied it into the human need to look at Him, to look at God.

    (BTW - I've listed this over on the side at my site as a blog post worth reading today.)

  13. Hi sister Kat! You exemplify "ARK"...You inspire me so :) Love to you.

  14. @ sister Tracy: It is Him Who gives me this ideas! So glory to God! Thank you for sharing my post at your site. I appreciate that...and praying that many will be blessed by the story and end up talking to Him...Blessings.

  15. What a wonderful message about judging others. God is the only one with the right to judge.

    Your focus on your job is amazing - God Bless You.

  16. You teach us so much with your life experiences. You are one special lady!

  17. Wow this is very powerful post Rosel. I want so much to show respect like that to the lives I touch. There are far too many times when I don't get it right. What a blessing you are.

    Much love!

  18. Rosel, I always love your posts. I have to say this may be my favorite yet. You know because of my daughters kidney stone pain... You are such a blessing. I cried through this post. Knowing what a kind, God loving and compassionate lady you are. I am blessed to call you my friend. With love and Blessings, Audrey

  19. I came over to visit and I am so glad that I did! I am following your blog now as I can see that great treasures are shared here.

    It is too easy to judge and label another's motives or intentions. It is even easier to allow those judgements to cloud how we interact. I am sure in your work environment, labels affect almost everyone.

    As a fellow RN but more importantly, a Christian, I commend you for serving with compassion and care. He (the inmate) heard and felt both disregard and compassion, I pray that the latter imprints more deeply on his heart.


  20. Hi Rosel,
    That poor man needed SOMEONE to believe in him and thank the Lord - you were there for him. I am sure it must be so hard for the inmates because everyone is against them because of their heinous deeds that got landed them in prison and nobody believes what they have to say. They have been convicted of a crime and serving time for that, but how are they ever to rise above their situations and seek the Lord if everywhere they turn they are treated with contempt?

    You showed him respect and I believe that will speak to his heart - you showed him God's love in the midst of his pain. Perhaps that will help him to hope for a better future for himself - that he isn't an animal -that he may be sinful, but he is also God's child and if he asks for forgiveness - there is hope for him in his life!

    We don't know why people choose the paths that they do in this life. We have no idea of the struggles that brought them to do the evil things that landed them in prison. he may have come from a home that never had love in it or was filled with constant abuse. To show these prisoners respect and compassion must give them a glimmer of hope for change - don't you think?
    I am telling you Rosel - YOU were put in this job to BE that light and I believe that you help these people MORE than you even realize by being faithful to how God wants you to be towards them. Praise God that you are there serving them everyday in this way! I hope you realize how much your fatihfulness in the little things that you do- make such a difference in the lives of the people you serve!
    ((Hugs to you my special friend))

  21. @sister Cheryl: He is indeed the only Judge...And I pray for Him to make me aware of not doing that...Blessings.

  22. @sister Mary: God had changed my heart and is still continuing to change me...He allows me to see the spiritual analogies in what happens at work or in my life...To Him be the glory! Love you sister!

  23. @sister Edie: We're all on the same boat ~ we're all a big work in progress so I know what you mean :) God bless.

  24. @ sister Audrey: You're right! This story would hit you! I never had that kind of pain. But having my own neck injury, the intolerable pain I had before and still comes once in a while, helps me to feel compassion for those who are in pain. I'm grateful to have met you! God bless you.

  25. @ sister Denise: Welcome and nice to meet you! As a worker for Christ, I try to remember that the work for Him is more important than the work I need to accomplish in this world. I am privileged if He chose me to share His love and light, His grace in that dark place. He gave me His compassion, so I think it's just right for me to give that to those who needs it...I'm excited to meet another sister with the same profession. I'll visit you, too :) God bless.

  26. Sister Kymber!!!So happy to hear from you! I don't think I am doing anything special for Him as we are all strategically placed by the Lord in different areas, using our different talents for His glory! Like where you are now! When you are thinking you can't do it, He is the One telling you, "yes, you can!"..."because I am your strength!!!" So, keep working for Him and you bless me with your accomplishments, your victories in the Name of the Lord! Blessings to you my friend...Love to you.

  27. My Sweet and Faithfilled Sister,

    God truly reaches right through your mind, heart and soul to your every post here for He resides in you so strongly just as you in Him. Yes, glory to God!

    I absolutely love you precious Rosel and I praise God and give Him all the glory for having woven you into my heart and the hearts of so many. Yes, glory to God!

    Sweet Hugs, Love & Prayers,

  28. @ sister Alleluiabelle: Sooo good to hear from you...Your visit blesses me everytime...We are all being used by the Lord through blogging...And I'm so grateful to have met many, especially you! God bless you sister and always keeping you in my prayers. Love to you.

  29. It is such a blessing to read such a beautiful post depicting kindness and compassion shown to a person that has been categorically placed by society as "enemies". Your fine example is indeed inspirational for me as a nurse and as a child of God. May God multiply your kind especially in places where love is scarce and hate towards another abounds.

  30. @sister Odessa: Thank you for your kind comments. All the glory to our Lord Who is the Author of compassion, mercy and grace!Blessings to you.

  31. So many times I read your stories and I say "Thank God Rosel is in that place". You are often the only soft heart these inmates every encounter and your Christ-likeness is a gift to them. You are a seed scatter and as such are in my prayers.

  32. I could so related to your words here. I am an educator in the department of corrections in a medium secure prison. I work with the same population you do. I love what you shared here and it made me feel connected to you also. You are a blessing. I have so many stories I could tell, but wondered if it would be ok to post stories and feelings on my blog. I might begin to do so and it could be a good outlet for me to let go of some of the frustration that I deal with daily in the work place. It may also be a way for me to remind myself that I am not there for my own needs. Blessings on you my friend.

  33. Hey RCUBe, once again, you hit it right on. Right on for me....You shine...kindness has a way of touching people, changing them. You are making a difference. Stay strong ok. Sarah

  34. @sister Cynthia: Thank you so much for your prayers, visit, encouragement always...God bless.

  35. @much2ponder: I'm sure you have some frustrations at work like I do...In God's perfect time, when He wants you to share those, feel free! And many will be encouraged! Blessings.

  36. @ sister Sarah: Hello again. Thank you always for your encouragement and prayers as well. You are also an encouragement to me...Let's both stay strong in the Lord's mighty power! Blessings to you.


"Faith is taking the first step even if you don't see the whole staircase..."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.


The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himseld and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: Life Application Bible]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].