Who Is He?

“Ahhh…I can’t sleep Ma’am…” complained a 27 weeks pregnant inmate. 

With her slightly disheveled hair, up in a pony tail, her protruding belly not really as noticeable as I would have expected, she was pointing to her left abdomen and her lower back as her source of discomfort. Prior to her arrival, I had spoken with a medication nurse to check if she has been taking her prescribed medications.

“Her? She doesn’t want to take anything, not even her prenatal vitamins and her HIV medications!”exclaimed that nurse even as I was barely finished mentioning her whole name.

She has a history of positive HIV and Hepatitis C. From what I heard, she was usually hard to deal with as she had been non-compliant with all of her treatment regimen.

A whiff of unpleasant morning breath made me take a couple of steps back without offending her as I allowed her to complain. And complain. And complain some more.

“Did you have a baby?” she abruptly asked me as I kept my stance a few feet away, as the female Deputy smiled at me.

“What does your complaint has to do with me?”

“Because you wouldn’t understand what I’m feeling…”

“I don’t have to answer your question, right? Because this sick call is not about me but about you!”

“But for your information, yes, I did have a baby and the things I have mentioned earlier that it would be normal to have achiness more and more on those areas because your baby keeps on growing, I know, because I also went to school for that!”

“Ohhh…” she softly uttered.

“If I call the on-call Doctor, will you take the medications? I heard you don’t want anything.”

“I’m no playing game!!! I’m not taking any meds!”

“Well, Ma’am…That’s what I mean. How can I be of help if you don’t trust and believe the treatment that anyone wants you to try?”

“How about I’ll still have you see the doctor this morning?”

“But I can’t sleep!”

“Sorry…You need to see the doctor for that because nurses can’t give you any not unless it is ordered by them.”

Would you open your heart's door to Jesus?

 (Photo Credit)

She got up, with her wrists still cuffed to her back. The deputy thanked me for not ignoring her complaints despite everyone knowing how she had been uncooperative. I didn’t know. I haven’t been working my usual schedule. But I didn’t need to know. Her actions said it all!

Jesus longs to heal all of us. He is knocking on each heart’s door. How can He have a chance to show His love if one’s heart doesn’t believe and trust Him in the first place? One may not open his heart to Jesus’ invitation for salvation. But what a loss! Because all of us will die and heaven’s gate would not be opened to those who doesn’t believe! Jesus sacrificed Himself and by His blood, only by His blood that would cover those who believe in Him, could unlock that gate. Nothing or no one else can...

Who is He? Who is Jesus?

Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. – Psalm 24:8 (NIV)

What A Waste!

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In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. – John 1:1 (NLT)

The Thanksgiving atmosphere was almost fading away when a fight broke out in a particular unit as our change of shift also was coming to its end. Two of us ran when the unit asked for the medical help as multiple inmates were involved.

Upon arriving at the unit, we saw a line of cuffed inmates sitting in a row of plastic chair while a deputy was patiently keeping an eye on the one severely injured, sitting inside the tiny Clinic in their unit. The other nurse immediately assessed the deep gash on his forehead and tried to check the bleeding. As I jotted down the vital information, I left her. Her gaze followed, perhaps, wondering if I just left her like that.

“Are all of those sitting needed to be seen?” asked my co-worker, the tone of voice seeming to reach wherever I went and to give me a clue that work was not done.

“Oh…they’re all done,” answered the deputies.

“The other nurse already assessed them,” they added.

I wanted our time to be brief, addressing only issues that were obvious. I didn’t want us to be lingering in that place to make both of us make it and still be able to finish the work we both needed to do. We both knew, work was more than observation and treatment. We still needed to document on each of those inmates.

“Eeeww!!” she exclaimed as she saw me wrapping the BP cuff monitor on the last inmate sitting on the end.

“I thought it was vomit,” I replied.

“It was oatmeal.”

“Disgusting!”

“I know! I don’t know what the fight is about but what a waste of food,” I added, noticing by then how each of those inmates were covered with oatmeal served that morning. Their shoulders. Their hair. Face. Backs.

As I finalized jotting down the last inmate’s health history, I looked beyond the glass windows where I saw the other inmates still enjoying their breakfast. Spoon after spoon of the hot oatmeal, I saw some of them laughing, as if there was no fight that occurred.

We ended up bringing only 2 out of the 8 inmates with us to the Infirmary who needed to be treated by the in-coming Physician for possible suturing of their lacerations. 

Right on the dot, both of us were able to get up and leave the prison. Welcomed by the cold, morning breeze as we pushed the door that led to the staff parking, we thanked each other. We knew, if we didn’t help each other, we wouldn’t have made it. 

I turned my car’s ignition as I put my shades to protect my vision from the morning rays of the bright sun. As my car slowly moved toward the electronic gate, my mind also wandered far. 

To this day, I often think, how wasteful it is…for people who proclaim they are Christians yet they keep bickering. Fighting. Accusing each other. Sometimes, still doubting what is true and right…Instead of enjoying the true Food of our souls…God’s Word…

What a waste to try seeking the true faith when God’s Word has been given already. Just lay hold of it. Feast on It!

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.-2 Timothy 3:16 (NLT)

Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God's promises to be fulfilled. - Romans 15:4 (NLT)

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. – Joshua 1:8 (NIV)

I have not departed from his commands, but have treasured his words more than daily food. – Job 23:12 (NLT)

Composed Songs

The blue binder caught my eyes as I was barely waking up from a late 2 hours of sleep after 2 nights at work these past 2 days. It had been sitting there next to the Bible I have been using all these years. Binder that contained almost 100 songs that God had given me from the periods of 3 years. Some with melodies as I patiently tried to find the guitar chords that would go with the lyrics usually written first. Some without.

Flipping the pages one by one, the familiar notes returned to that melodic chamber that had been quiet in my heart for a while. “How could I miss the fact?” I asked myself. The truth slowly surfaced as I read and sang some favorite songs at the top of my head. 

God had given me each song not during the times of triumphs. Nor at times of joyful celebrations. Not at those moments filled with laughter. No! He didn’t give me the song when I felt like jumping in the air with elation. Not when I was rich with blessings. Nor comforting times.

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Those were the times when each song was written:   

- When I was filled with so much fear as my family and I got involved with a spiritual battle as one family member got involved in a cult and got plagued with tormenting moments in order for my family and I to be filled with hate instead of love, division instead of unity, confusion instead of order.

- When I was physically drained of energy fulfilling my role as a wife and mother, as a sister to my siblings, as a daughter to my father, as a friend to those who befriended me.

- When the car I was driving almost flipped over when I lost control as I braked hard thinking that another car next to mine was close to hitting me. I was 4 months pregnant at that time and I prayed so hard for God to give me a chance to see the baby He formed in me.

- When one of my nieces had to go for a necessary surgery for her life to be extended and there I was, being strengthened and comforted by  a song being written as she went for surgery 

- Whenever I felt alone, afraid, wounded by life’s pains and storms, limited with own strength.

-When my father was dying from Colon Cancer.

- When my husband and I had to call 9-1-1 as my son, then, very young, woke up with a heavy nose bleeding

- When my heart was troubled from seeing “suffering people” around me

- When loved ones passed away

I could go on and on…And realizing what I had been going through at work from the past 2 years, I began to wonder…

There was no song!!!

I haven’t composed a song. 

And in a childish tone, my mind asked, “Why Lord?”

“Why is there no song?”

He answered me, not with my own composed songs. That of other’s. In fact written by Matt Redman. “The Father’s Song”. He brought up a favorite song of mine. Not the whole song but just the Chorus part:

“Heaven’s perfect melody
The Creator’s symphony
You are singing over me
The Father’s song
Heaven’s perfect mystery
The king of love has sent for me
And now you’re singing over me
The Father’s song…”

My heart froze. He always spoke not in long ways. Short but to the point. Not going around the bushes but straight to the fact.

With song or no composed song, I was already given the "perfect song." Jesus...He has always been there and is always there no matter what is going on in my life. He has been the song in my heart during the darkest times to remind me about His light. He has been the song at the core of my heart during my weakest in order for Him to be able to strengthen me and help me move on. Yes, He has been the perfect song which came when my soul was dying of thirst and His rivers of grace and mercy always brought me to that strait so I could be shown another way. He has been  the melodic tune that wiped the dry tears and renewed my spirit. I must realize... It was and would always be through these trials that this perfect Song would bring me the reminder that I should not be comfortable in this place. Just because…

It isn’t my home. I won’t be singing here. There is a place waiting for me.

But God has already given me heaven’s perfect melody while down here.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.- Psalm 40:3 (ESV)

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.- Colossians 3:16 (ESV)

What am I to do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also.- 1 Corinthians 14:15 (ESV)

My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed.-Psalm 71:23 (ESV)

And they were singing a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and before the elders. No one could learn that song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth.- Revelation 14:3 (ESV)

Wait...Wait Some More...

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I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth. - Psalm 121:1,2 (ESV)

“Would you please relax?” my husband suggested as our son and I had called him from home and greeted him with our usual “Good Morning” as soon as our son woke up.  Our son started his week-long vacation to observe the Thanksgiving Holiday. 

“Forget your charge for now,” he added. “Just go out and enjoy the day! Like you guys can go and have lunch somewhere!”

The day’s forecast predicted a beautiful weather. Not too hot. Not too cold. As I did my last load of laundry, my close friend called me and asked if it would be okay for her to come over after her doctor’s appointment so we could have lunch together with my son who was also close to her. What a perfect time! I thought…

“Where are we gonna’ go?” I texted.

“Okay to go to our favorite hotdog and hamburger place if your labs returned okay?” I added ending that statement with a smiley face.

A little over an hour, she did come and my son chose to go to a near deli shop close to our house where old folks and familiar customers usually gathered. It was a quaint shop but the food served was delicious! 

Except…the waiting could also be a long time. 

We pushed the glass door with a dangling “Open” sign slowly as we saw how many people were already sitting, waiting for their orders. In fact, most of the tables were filled. I saw 2 tables that were empty so we all walked to the one near the wall. Greeted with a big smile by the old lady working there, she took our orders for our drinks. As we browsed. And browsed. On what to order. So many choices. Except. The risk was to wait. My friend knew by that time as my son tried to explain. But he also warned her, she would love the sandwiches they were famous for!

“J (my husband) told me to forget about my ordeal and enjoy the day and go out for lunch,” I told my friend as she intently read what was on the menu.

“I hope you’re listening,” she replied.

“Well, I’m glad you came. Thank you for coming and having lunch with us,” I echoed.

So…I ended up ordering Barbeque beef on their French roll. My son ordered Pastrami sandwich and my friend decided she would have the Philly Cheese Steak. 

“Okay…Here we go…” I whispered.

“What?” my friend asked with her brows raised, trying to get a clue.

“The waiting period starts…now!”

We chatted. About my son’s latest from his school activities. And though he knew I didn’t want to brag much about him, he knew I was proud of his hardworking study habits without my husband and I telling him to do so. My friend was enthusiastic to hear much from him all the time since she knew our son since he was 4 years old. He would be an adult soon. We all got carried away with joking around and telling other stories that we didn’t seem to notice how long we had waited. Until the orders came, piping hot as each huge plate was being placed in front of us.

The first bites came and our conversation died down as the three of us, savored and enjoyed the delicious sandwiches. The wait was worth it. My friend and I always fight when it comes to paying My friend grabbed the check and ended up paying for our lunch. She wanted to treat me and my son as she hasn’t seen him in a long time. We slowly got up and as we went out the door, we couldn’t help but observe how many more people kept coming in. The sun by then was shining brightly.

“What a beautiful day!” exclaimed my friend.

I looked up and saw how clear the blue skies were. 

“Thank You!” I whispered.

I looked up and let the sun’s rays bathe over me. I knew the profound truth that waiting for His timing was always the best thing I could do. It would be all worth it. To see the “blurry” with the “eyes of faith” and just wait…Wait…Wait some more…

"Someday...I will understand

All the things will be clear for me

As I live for now, all I know

Is that I must...trust in no one...but You..."

~ chorus part from my song "I Will Never" on 1/17/07

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!! God bless!