Rest

for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, "Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light." ~ Ephesians 5:14 (NLT)


“Oh, my God!” everyone exclaimed…

“That’s tiring!” added another nurse…

While I returned to my seat and slumped my back against the back rest. My muscles achy and so fatigued from a busy shift. But it was even worse to feel my mind being depleted of patience, understanding, and gathering the right interventions in which none worked.

Three of us were facing this loud wailing, toothless older female inmate. We just heard a combative was brought into the prison yard and the call was for the Intake Nurse to meet the officers out in the yard.

When all of a sudden, the Charge Nurse and I looked at each other as we heard loud wailing reverberating on the left side of the Clinic where the female inmates usually walked in and out.

“Why are they bringing the combative here?” we both asked in unison.

But it wasn’t the combative the deputies had called over the radio. It was another female deputy bringing in this crying inmate, having a tantrum like a little child. Bypassing the usual rule to call the Clinic ahead of time, the deputy applied the cuff on her wrinkled wrists and took her down to the Clinic after she saw her banging her head slightly in the glass window in her tiny cell to get her attention.

Her ears were deaf to advices. She kept saying she just couldn’t trust anyone. It was obvious she needed to be evaluated by the Mental Health doctor for whatever worries that plagued her. But it was difficult to make her calm down. Paired with her actions of banging her head, she then needed to be placed in Suicide Watch for closer monitoring. It would be a challenge for the Intake Nurse. As she couldn’t trust anyone in her cell…Yet…She wanted to be with another inmate.

“Do you realize what you are requesting?” I asked.

“That’s confusing…You don’t trust anyone but you want someone with you in a cell. Do you think that person will like the way you’re always crying, yelling as you speak? That person will get upset and others may want to hurt you if you don’t stop!” I tried explaining, my mind starting to run out of reasons to make her calm down even a bit.

She went on and on…Everyone in the Clinic stopped what they were doing and curiously came to where we were and heard her. The Charge Nurse gave the permission for the deputy to bring her to Intake. The air remained high-strung as everyone returned to their seats. But ears were relieved hearing those piercing cries and with our minds and bodies depleted of strength.

Oh how I longed for my warm bed that night…

And rest…

And sleep…

“But what is this sleep? The idea connected with sleep is "rest," and that is the thought which the Spirit of God would convey to us. Sleep makes each night a Sabbath for the day. Sleep shuts fast the door of the soul, and bids all intruders tarry for a while, that the life within may enter its summer garden of ease. The toil-worn believer quietly sleeps, as does the weary child when it slumbers on its mother's breast. Oh! happy they who die in the Lord; they rest from their labors, and their works do follow them. Their quiet repose shall never be broken until God shall rouse them to give them their full reward. Guarded by angel watchers, curtained by eternal mysteries, they sleep on, the inheritors of glory, till the fulness of time shall bring the fulness of redemption. What an awaking shall be theirs! They were laid in their last resting place, weary and worn, but such they shall not rise. They went to their rest with the furrowed brow, and the wasted features, but they wake up in beauty and glory. The shriveled seed, so destitute of form and comeliness, rises from the dust a beauteous flower. The winter of the grave gives way to the spring of redemption and the summer of glory. Blessed is death, since it, through the divine power, disrobes us of this work-day garment, to clothe us with the wedding garment of incorruption. Blessed are those who "sleep in Jesus." -  Charles Spurgeon

Which Mountain?

Then Jesus told them, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don't doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. - Matthew 21:21 (NLT)

“Woohh…Someone hurry and give me a hand!” my voice echoing within the 4 corners of the tiny, waiting room on the female side of the Clinic. Three female inmates who just arrived for specific appointments with other medical staff stared at me and the downed inmate resting on the mattress the other nurse had provided. The resting inmate had a seizure prior in her unit to which one nurse responded and decided to keep her in our Infirmary so we could closely observe her and her seizures.

The shaking was so violent that I could feel the length of my arms and my legs getting numb and tired as they were also being shook as I tried to hold her head down, keep her on her side and make her body avoid hitting any part of the wall near her. The nurse who initially cared for her appeared and by the head dropped there and started holding her head for me.

The seizure must have lasted for approximately 3 minutes and it felt forever for everyone witnessing it. The inmate had gone in and out of consciousness but was able to respond as it stopped. Barely starting to assess her, another episode came. Her head jerking back and forth as I struggled so hard to keep it down and the other nurse switched position with me.

“Grab the emergency bag! The oxygen tank! Someone call for an ambulance!” both of us yelled to our other co-workers eager to help us with whatever they could.

As I called the ER doctor for an order of a medication to help calm her down, other nurses started the IV to which the medication was given immediately.

“She’s on her way soon,” I advised the doctor, whose name I only knew because of the many times I had called and consulted for urgent situations that needed his help.

The female inmate kept apologizing for her seizures. She got aware of the effort to save her but was embarrassed that she had even wet her prison-issued pants.

“Just rest. The ambulance is here,” we all reassured her and told her it would be okay. Knowing how limited our strength was to care for her, that was truly an unsure answer on our part. We said that because we all desired for her to stop having seizures and be well.

In the pages of history (Matthew 17:14-20), there was also a man, tired and desperate to find help for his son having seizures. Jesus’ disciples who were given power to heal were not able to heal his son from having seizures that caused the boy to fall into the fire or into the water. He suffered terribly. He approached Jesus when He and his disciples arrived at the foot of the mountain and asked for His mercy to heal his son.

Jesus said, "You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me." (Matthew 17:17). Jesus rebuked the demon in the boy and it left him. In that instant, the boy was healed.

When the disciples asked Jesus in private how come they were not able to heal the boy, Jesus replied that it was because they didn’t have enough faith.

Jesus came to heal. It must be frustrating for Him to see the unbelieving people. But what difference was it when even his own believing disciples might not have an increase amount of faith when they perform what God has given them to do?

I wasn't implying that the inmate had a demon in her but I felt so weak at that time after helping that inmate who had a seizure. I knew afterward, I relied on my own strength and forgot to call for His help. How could I when for all these years I had been working in the prison, I knew I was able to survive critical decision-making not by my own strength but because of faith and having trust in God’s power to intervene for me.

He never failed to be there for me. It is I who failed to trust in His power at that moment. I let the mountain of problem distract me and had my eyes focused on it, instead of focusing on the King of the Holy Mountain, Zion. It was me who let that obstacle hinder the flow of my faith. Forgive me Oh Lord and please increase my faith all the more!I know...I might not witness the way Jesus did His miraculous healing then but I believe...Jesus still heals today...as long as we approach Him with faith and trust. At the foot of the Mountain of the Living God, He is always ready to accept those who are willing to surrender all their worries and let His healing replace those.

A Different Kind Of Hearing

Then he added, "Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given--and you will receive even more. - Mark 4:24 (NLT)

“Did you hear me, Ma’am?” her haggard face looking intently, awaiting for my response and actions to her demands. The thick, glass partition window separated us as I finalized her request to be evaluated by the Nursing staff.

“Of course, I heard you loud and clear. But it was disappointing to hear that you made your health concern an emergency when it’s not. You know that what you want from me could have waited until the regular sick call in your unit,” I responded as I met her stare with my piercing one.

“Why did you tell your unit that you were having chest pain then you came here complaining of minor ailments?” I probed.

She looked away as if she couldn’t stand my stare anymore, becoming uncomfortable yet, continuing to make excuses.

“That’s not what I told them,” she replied quickly, still looking at different corners of the Infirmary. Her glances showing that she was trying to come up with an excuse so she wouldn’t get in trouble.

“Here’s your yellow pass. You know the rules here. If it happens again, I can put you on discipline for faking your emergency.”

She finally rested her head, looking down, as she extended her right hand to accept the yellow pass she needed in order for her to be able to return to her unit. I popped the door open to make way for her to leave. I knew she was upset for not being able to get some medications she wanted. Medications that she did not really need because there was no true ailments. Medications I wouldn’t give because she was arrested for abusing illegal substances in the first place.

When God placed me in the Correctional setting to care for others, He surely gave me a different set of ears. While the inmates think that I ignore their demands and not seem to care and hear them, they are very wrong. I hear louder than my own set of ears. For circumstances in this place require more than hearing through the ears. I learn so much hearing through my mind and heart instead.

Then he said, "Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand."
- Mark 4:9 (NLT)

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death. - Revelation 2:11 (NIV)

and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing." - Luke 4:21 (NIV)

The wind blows wherever it wants. Just as you can hear the wind but can't tell where it comes from or where it is going, so you can't explain how people are born of the Spirit. - John 3:8 (NLT)

Christian Men

Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? - Colossians 3:19 (NIV)


Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 
- 1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)

And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every hearrt and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.
- 1 Chronicles 28:9 (NIV)

I summoned this young, pregnant inmate. Her stomach still not visible, prime at its stage, she sat down and complained how the pain in her abdomen seemed to have gotten worse, a day after she was jailed.

"Keep going..." I suggested.

"Well, Ma'am, my husband punched me so hard here (her right hand touched the lower, right area of her abdomen). We had a big fight..."

I sent her to the hospital despite the lack of bleeding. I wanted to make sure that the fetus was not harmed inside her womb. I wanted to think that it was a sad situation where the husband, under influence of an illegal substance, did not have the right at all to land his fist on her stomach. But he wasn't in the right mind, perhaps, to know the consequence a hard blow would have done not only to his spouse, but most of all, their baby.

Many hours later, she returned with the Transportation Deputy. The paperwork I got from ER cleared her of any danger and potential damage. What a relief it was to know she and the baby were okay!

Many couples go through shaky relationships. From different situations. It is one of the toughest battles families go through. How to be intact and save their marriages from falling apart. But what's sadder to me, are those who say they are Christian men. Their words are far from their actions. Their behaviors do not reflect what God's Word teaches. What a big loss for Christian men to have the light in them wane. What a disaster to go back to their old ways despite tasting the joy of knowing the Light that guides them in the darkness they were once in.


Men of God-message from a child from amickcutler on GodTube.

Following The Footsteps

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. – Luke 9:23 (NIV)

I took a sip from a freshly-brewed cup of coffee my husband handed out to me from the counter as he ordered for our breakfast in a favorite place as I reserved the booth for the three of us. My son was right behind him, holding a smoldering cup of water for his tea.

Few minutes later, two servers approached us with huge plates of the “combos” we wanted to try.

“Country Fried Steak!” she uttered loudly as she was holding two plates and discovered one was for my husband, the other for our son…

“Like father, like son,” I quickly replied as she lowered the plates in front of them and gave me a big smile.

Like father…Like son…It was not only about those same orders in my mind. It went beyond those years since giving birth to our son and my husband had been a great father for him and up to now. He, a father who was firm with his decision to show his child the right road in finding true success and meaning in his still budding life. The road that was narrow and where the steps in his journey would not always be easy and comfortable. The road where his child must also prepare to suffer. He knew way ahead as he took that road before him. And he knew, that his child was always watching his footsteps and would always trace his footsteps.

“Always do the right thing, no matter what your friends or other people will say,” he often would remind his son whenever he would have a heart-to-heart talk with him.

I took a bite from my medium-well steak, followed by a mouthful of hash browns.

“Hmmm…Good,” I uttered and offered to my husband and son if they wanted to taste.

“No!” they both replied, same answers as expected, contented with the big serving they had to finish.

I stole a glance at my husband and at my son and I saw the big resemblance. Not only with their physical appearances but much more with their godly character. And my steak tasted more delicious as I pondered on one thought. I was grateful for God Who gave me a great husband and a father to my son who has been walking in his father’s footsteps. Footprints Jesus etched on the streets that led to Golgotha and up to the stairway to His kingdom. It was not an easy feat to walk on that pathway. The pathway that was shown only  to those hearts willing to follow Him in the first place.

Grateful because what was coming from my family’s hearts, His hands shaped and created. Hearts that avoid those things that give grounds to spiritual enemies. Hearts that are not surprised when troubles come but instead, would always know the importance of increasing their faith all the more and knowing that the only choice would always be to become more dependent of His mercy, grace, guidance, and love. Hearts that would always be aware to shun fears amidst adversities, knowing His hands would always tend, provide and care for His beloved.

Grateful because He is truly an awesome Father from up above!

Thank You Father for loving us unconditionally. Happy Father’s Day dear husband of mine and to all of you, fathers out there! Remember who’s watching your footsteps!

If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. – Matthew 10:38 (NLT)

The Art Show

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.~ Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)

my son's design for the art show

“Just remember…Daddy and I are so proud of your hard work and perseverance,” I uttered as my husband and I hugged our son, feeling the overflowing excitement in our hearts that finally, his art was recognized for the county’s annual art show from high school students. The judges would never know the effort our child had put into every line of that drawing he made. After studying for other advanced classes, I saw many nights where he fought with dozing off to add more lines, made changes, measured, colored, and other things using the principles from Graphic Arts learned from a few years of taking this class paired with his enthusiasm to advance in this degree.

“I’m just a little bummed out. It seemed like the judges never liked any modern design,” my child assessed.

“Maybe I’ll make some changes next year when I join…”

“Why?” I quickly responded.

“Look at your design…” I suggested.

“What is the title that you had applied?” I hinted.

“Courage and endurance, Mom,” he replied.

“Why change? It is your idea. Unique from others. When others are seeing what they want to see, what they will never see is the hidden meaning you had used,” I suggested.

“What do you mean?”

“Courage…Endurance…Your car looks like a racing car. That is our Christian way of life. We are all in this race to make a difference as we race. Not aiming for recognition but aiming to spread things about our Lord Jesus. And that’s Who our focus is. We are not to please others. We are to please God.”

He was quiet. Contemplating every word I had thrown at him as he agreed.

“Why change? They thought you just copied the picture and pasted it. But when your teacher explained that everything was illustrated by you, that being known, changed the way they looked at your art. They knew deep inside that it was not easy. Hard for others to believe you did it on your own. It’s not about winning. It’s about seeing the courage and endurance you had displayed on your own,” I reassured.

The race is set before each of us. If we allow sins to make us fall, that will slow us down and hinder us from running this race. If focused on Jesus, it helps our attention away from carnal desires. We are prone to grow weary, maybe faint from afflictions but we must not. Trials and afflictions are sometimes God’s way of rebuking for those sins that easily entangles our feet. His way of discipline is not to condemn us but to help us shed those imperfect things.

Courage… Endurance… May we persevere in our obedience to finish this race and emerge not only as victors but fully reconciled to God’s chastisement.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ~ 1 Corinthians 9:24 (NIV)


You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.~ Hebrews 10:36 (NIV)

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ~ Hebrews 12:2 (NIV)

Bad Things To Good

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28 (NIV)

“It will be okay,” my husband reassured…”Try to get some sleep. It’s 2 a.m. now,” he added as he wrapped his arm around me and continued to comfort me.

Few hours before, at work, I dealt with an inmate who had a hypertensive crisis. She was so upset that she hasn’t been getting her medications right away after being transferred from another prison to ours. Her agitated state was not helping her BP level. She must know it as she stated that “I could feel my BP so high now,” as she paired it with buckets of tears, complaining of worsening headache from morning until late evening that she was in front of me. Her tears were true but her complaint was not. She was started with hypertension medications as soon as she got to our facility. The Psych meds she needed was usually not given right away as the inmates needed to wait until the Psych doctor could evaluate them. Unfortunately, they were not patient enough to wait for their appointments.  I was concerned about her very high BP so I immediately consulted the on-call doctor. He decided to just give medications to lower the BP and relieve her headache but in any case of emergency, she would be transported to ER.

After downing 4 total numbers of pills, she sat in the waiting area as I instructed her that I would need to recheck her BP an hour later. 30 minutes prior to that recheck, another inmate had called us and said that the lady didn’t look good. The Charge Nurse ran toward her as I started calling her name. She was not responding and seemed to be shaking uncontrollably as we noticed the right side of her face slightly drooping (to what appeared as stroke at that time). We summoned for an ambulance right away as I gave her oxygen and the other nurse tried to start an IV but she was so strong and fought against her hold and did not want to have an IV started. She just kept making sounds and nodded her head “No!”. There were 3 of the staff but she was strong enough that no one was able to restrain her even as I joined in. She used her legs to move her chair that I gave the Charge Nurse a look and she read my mind that I doubted the existence of her stroke.  She replied with a silent stare as if she doubted my assessment in return that I was wrong as her face was slightly droopy and that she was not able to talk. To make it short, I called the doctor I spoke with who gave the medications and reported to him that the inmate was on her way because there might be a possibility that she was having a stroke. And that the BP didn’t go lower as she remained upset and agitated. It was expected that she would be admitted but as I went home, my heart was heavy. The difficulty of being a nurse set in again as many lives come and go on our hands that depended on our ability to respond and have the right judgments for each critical situation. For each emergency.  For every life. I prayed for that inmate. She was a person. Loved by God the way He loved me. The way He loved everyone. I prayed that nothing would happen to her but if it was true what I sensed about her faking that emergency, I asked that He would reveal it in due time.

On Sunday, as I went back to work, that was the first thing I asked was about that lady. The Charge Nurse had no new info except she was still at the hospital. It was a very busy shift that day. Until....

After my coveted dinner break, I saw the Deputy wheeling in a familiar face. It was her. She went AMA (Against Medical Advice). She was refusing all the treatments, yelling at us the whole time and when the Charge Nurse didn’t grant her the wheelchair, she got upset and immediately got up and like a little child with a tantrum, remained one for a few hours. Except she was not winning in getting her demands. She had no choice but to wait. And like a little child be given the “time out” to make her put her behavior on a scale for her to weigh in on the consequences of her own choice. I was thankful to God in the back of my mind. As the other nurse arrived who worked with me that night pointed her finger at me and quietly whispered so as not to make her hear, “You…Rcubes…” “You doubted her…Hmmm…” She was upset about the whole drama of her wasting our time to save her on what appeared as a life threatening situation. She was good. After all, she was imprisoned for "faking a Work Comp. Claim."

The inmate got tired…waiting…standing firm on her own decision to resist the authority was poor on her part. Her disrespectful attitude would not get her anywhere. She sensed that. She remained sitting on the cold, hard chair for many hours. Upsetting no one but only herself. She broke down…And with tears came the words, “I’m sorry.” That would not be the last tears she would be shedding. We believed she would be more upset. Because on top of the charge she was incarcerated for, another one would be added..."For faking an emergency."

I pushed the metal gate to go to my car in the staff’s parking. I breathed a sigh of relief as I just pondered on what just occurred. God had shown me again, in His mercy, how He could truly turn bad things into good. It was a miracle. It was a door of heaven opening up to that particular knock. Knock from a believing heart and heart that always desired for Him. A dead heart He once revived.A once rebellious heart He wanted to transform. And is still being molded...

Changing Life's Plans

"20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." - Ephesians 4:20-24 (NIV)

Sod being removed

And I was very sure at that time…that I would not be mowing the lawn for a while. I forgot. There is no stability with life’s plans. They are always changing. I found the green flyer I kept and my husband called the man who ended up removing the sod for us.

But my husband and I decided we could pick up from there. We decided to finish the lawn ourselves by replacing the grasses with gravel.

After laying down the fabric that would prevent the weeds one afternoon he got home from work, we ordered the gravel. The following morning, everything was delivered. It was a piece of cake in the front yard as the truck just dumped the gravel in the middle and all we needed to do was to rake and level the little bits of stones.

my husband leveling the gravel

After waiting for the day’s heat to cool off a bit, it was more laborious to haul the gravel piled in the side yard to the back yard. Oh how our muscles ached scooping and scooping and my husband pushing the wheelbarrow many, many times. It felt like forever. When night time came, both of us were moaning. But we both knew, it was a good kind of pain. We ended up laughing so hard.

I noticed some neighbors sort of stopped at their tracks to look at our yard. One couldn’t help but asked my husband when he was outside why we removed our grasses. He told the neighbor, we wanted to save water and with that, we anticipated a drop with our water bill.

“I’m very sorry, Ms. Rcubes,” the lady at the other end of the line uttered. I could sense she was trying to find the right words to comfort me.

My fight against some people at work was taking a long time. I knew that beforehand. But I didn’t have any other option. I must go through that process if I wanted the light to shine in some shady places going on.

“Give it about 6 more months,” she stated, relieved when I responded that it was okay and I knew the process would be slow. She must sense the calmness from my tone.

She would never know the reason of how just like my husband and I changed our yards, removing the grasses and replacing them with gravel to save water, I had accepted the change from my work despite being treated unfairly, as a part of God’s plan for me. I began to understand the moment I let Jesus into my heart that my life would never be the same, requiring the “constant” to “change”. Needing to step out from my comfort zones to zones of afflictions.  Because in doing so, I must work hard to remove the old habits to be new in order for me to serve God.

6 months sounded like a long time. But I only wanted to face what I needed to, a day at a time. My old habits never developed in a day. They developed during many years and would not be fast in changing them. A day at a time. To change my life’s plans and know what God truly willed for me, knowing that my life’s purpose was not what I wanted but what He had planned from the start. He had already given the tools for me to use. The question would be… “What choices would I make?”

I saw a glimpse of a father, toting his young child on his back, stopping his walk and not seeing me from the front door, he stood in our front yard, looking at every corner as if he was mapping the landscape in our front yard. So it is with my Christian life…People are watching…

"¹⁷ Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position. ¹⁸ But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen." - 2 Peter 3:17-18(NIV)