Future....Unknown

Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there's no use arguing with God about your destiny. ~ Ecclesiastes 6:10 (NLT)

I had walked on a very tough battle on fighting for my right to remain as a regular status employee at my workplace. But with corruption everywhere, where else could I seek help? I decided to close this year 2012, choosing to move on and accept what had happened. Determined to find out what new road would open for me. Despite the difficulty, it was God’s Word that gave me strength. It was His true promises that reassured me time and time again that He would always be my Refuge in any storms in my life. 

No! I wouldn’t let that storm create havoc and rob my heart of other wonderful things God has given me. As the last page of this year came this morning, my heart would always be filled with gratitude for all the things that happened in 2012. 

Days apart in this month, my husband and I celebrated our 21^st Anniversary and our child welcomed a new stage of becoming an adult. We decided to celebrate in a favorite barbeque restaurant and splurge a little as we didn’t really plan any get-away on this vacation. We were just contented most of the time, thankful for the times whenever the three of us were always together. Away from the busyness of work and school matters.

As my son carefully drove his car, more rain came down on the road we were traveling on. The clouds above us became darker and darker. We forgot to bring an umbrella and usually, we would have one anyway in the cars we were driving. My son didn’t have one! Finding one remaining parking spot, no one dared to venture out as a heavy downpour steadily came, mixed with a slight hail. We didn’t let that spoil our moods. We decided to turn around and just eat in a different restaurant. Toward the favorite burger place nearby. We didn’t want to get wet!

Parking right in front of the joint, we were all surprised to see how very little the crowd was inside when usually, the line would have formed in miles by that hour. I didn’t even need to reserve a table while my boys would order for me. I ordered first, my son, then my husband. In that order, we got how we wanted our burgers made! 

Oh how we all laughed, eluding being dampened by the rain!!! Thankful to God that we made it even to that burger joint. Dry and looking fine!

We all took our first bites through those layers of buns, meat, veggies and favorite condiments and we all agreed! Nothing tasted better than that good, old hamburger on a rainy day! We didn’t get our barbeque ribs. But that was okay! We all knew it was being together that would make any food taste good! No matter the weather. 

For in this life, no one knows what the future holds. But God does. And if one completely trusts and has faith in Him, he is secure no matter what life brings. So, this coming 2013, let us not look into this year, but look up to God… 

There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD. – Proverbs 21:30 (NIV)

Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.

- Ecclesiastes 3:15 (NIV)

"Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, 'He has no hands'?

- Isaiah 45:9 (NIV)

Jesus Is The Shepherd (A Song He Gave Me)

 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

- Colossians 3:14 (NIV)

I had problems with my posts updating for a while...that I had not been able also to post anything as I worked here and there when able to. One morning, in the midst of my wiping dusts off and vacuuming, my oldest guitar had caught my eyes and my heart desired to stop what I was doing, picked it up and sang some of the songs the Lord had written in my heart at the span of years. I tell you, it felt good to have lingering dusts of worries and uncertainties in my heart wiped off by His hands.

I don’t have a formal guitar lesson. I learned to endure blisters on my fingers, learning easy chords growing up. Paired with my passion to write, I didn’t know at that time, those painful moments He gave me to learn to write songs for Him. Songs that also strengthened me and comforted me every time there was a struggle with my family, friends or just myself was going through. He reassures. That’s always the truth!

I don’t have a nice voice either but I felt so strong to share this song with you praying that the lyrics will minister to your hearts. With this special season of love, we must honor that true love that came down from heaven to let us know about God’s love from above. 

I wrote this song on July 29, 2003 when one of my nephews was vacationing from Belgium in Denmark. But he hardly saw his father (my brother). As I was praying for them, I started asking myself, “When is the right time for us to get together with God, our heavenly Father?”

It’s hard to sing for me without choking up as I feel His love, mercy and grace every time I strike that chord and sing that note. Jesus is indeed the reason for this Season. All the glory to our good Lord! Merry Christmas to all of you and may His love and grace always strengthen us all.

Jesus Is The Shepherd

I was once lost like you not knowing Christ

Every struggle means pain and I get deeply hurt

But please listen to me, and to all the things I’ll say

Jesus is the only Life, the Truth and the Way

How long are you gonna’ be lost like a sheep?

For when Christ finds you, you just have to believe

Oh Jesus is the Shepherd Who will lead us all

Salvation comes from Him, and from Him alone

Chorus:

Oh Jesus has so much love

All you need to do is open up your hearts

Turn away from all of your sins

And love and joy will grow within

If your life is ever found don’t let it go

Stop your wandering let your faith grow

For Jesus is the Shepherd Who will guide your way

Nothing will go wrong, in your hearts He’ll stay

(Repeat Chorus)…

Just...Leave!!!

I felt an arm went through mine and slightly tugged to pull me away from some nurses surrounding us. It was a co-worker I used to work with when I was working night shifts. We had a great relationship not only as being co-workers, but also as sisters in Christ. Praying together. Our shoulders available to each other whenever one needed a shoulder to cry on. Cautious with our tongues whenever we heard rumors and stories that sounded good to be true. Not afraid to say something to each other when we knew that our steps might not be taking the right road that might end up hurting us.

“Hi sister!” I exclaimed with excitement as I pulled my left arm she took and wrapped both instead on her to give her a hug.

“Please pray for me,” was the first thing she said.

“What’s wrong?”

“I haven’t been sleeping for some nights now. It’s difficult.”

“Stress or any problem?”

“Not really.”

“Good. But still…I know it’s hard when your body is chasing after sleep.”

“I will sister…I will…”

She asked about my case and I asked her in return to pray for me. For God to help me forgive despite the wrong done. I told her how God has always been good. That was no surprise to her knowing His nature. 

“Pray for me, sister…That I would be able to forgive those people in power who have wronged me.”

“What’s your plan now?”

“That’s another thing. I don’t know yet if there’s another road that He wants me to take at this time.”

“But He gives me peace…You know what I mean…”

With another tight hug, we rounded up our short conversation as she needed to start pulling the hundreds of medications for the units assigned to her. Briefly, we had talked about so much chaos going on at work. A nurse quit. One got fired. One threatening to demote herself to working lesser hours because she was not allowed to go to PM shift that she wanted because of her personal reasons. Some got promoted but already facing struggles with people who never liked the way they managed the Clinic.

“Pray? We need to pray for people here.” We both agreed.

“Let’s go! Time to go home!” yelled the night nurse I worked with as her purse dangled from her palm.

Grabbing my own from the corner of the table, I hurried my steps to keep up with hers. I was leaving a place known to keep inmates. Leaving my co-workers who could get out of the prison after work but the sad truth was that…most of them were perhaps not living free. Liking the earthly principles and wisdom that in return would not get them anywhere.  And I knew at that moment, I needed perseverance in bending my knees more and folding my hands together in prayers for God to save not only me but also my co-workers. To save any of us from any afflictions, temptations, or troubles. May our workplace be filled with His love, grace and mercy as confusion abounds. For God is not God of confusion but of order.

It was winter but the air outside was not the expected freezing breaths from the skies. Yet, it felt good to be out of the prison and breathed fresher air. It felt good to just get out. And in its true sense, that was how it would be whenever we could get out of anything that trapped us. Sometimes, it’s easier to just LEAVE…

I am suffering and in pain. Rescue me, O God, by your saving power. – Psalm 69:29 (NLT)

But as for me, I am poor and needy; please hurry to my aid, O God. You are my helper and my savior; O LORD, do not delay. – Psalm 70:5 (NLT)

But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, "God is great!" – Psalm 70:4 (NLT)

Faith...In His Word...

“The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever." – Isaiah 40:8 (NLT)

A little note…That was the difference. Note that if only was given could have paved the way for me to get out of this battle at work I had been in. But a note that never came…and kept me in a place that seemed enclosed.  A place deeper and darker in this valley I had walked on. 

The time frame I needed to fight back had been running out. In much quicker pace as anticipated. I gave up. Long ago. As soon as that lady who was supposed to help me didn’t want to hear my side and just closed my case. I knew this battle was not on my hands.

It had been difficult to look way ahead at this time. To not know where my steps should go. But I knew…it would be more foolish to stray away farther from that mountaintop ahead. The valley was not a fun place to be as we all knew. Too cold. Harsh weather. Dark. A scary place to be in.

The joy I had working in the prison was stolen by the enemy. I still would work. Whenever I chose to. But it was not the same. The fire burning was not the same intensity. I lacked passion. I lost interest.

Despite…I always will be grateful for one thing. It is only a shadow that never scares me knowing the protection God always give to those who seek refuge in Him. I don’t know the purpose of my battle at this time. I don’t know the road to take. But one thing is for sure…He gives me a deeper faith and allows me to trust more in Him knowing in His place, that’s where it’s secure. 

When I’m afraid of any danger, He surrounds me with His protection.

When it’s too dark, He shows me what His light can do.

When I feel all alone, He makes it known that He’s in this trial with me.

When I’m lost, He comforts me with His guidance and discernment to see the way He’s making.

Faith. I’m grateful for faith that sees and believes in the unseen. Faith that hopes. Trusts. Faith that knows His endless mercy and grace. 

Note? I felt a tear rolled down my right cheek and I wanted to cry so hard because of all injustices around me. But only to be wiped out right away and my composure remained as His Word came to my ears and whispered:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

All these troubles…always drowned by His love. All life's woes...calmed by His faithful promises...

Note?…I don’t need that note. Anymore…As long as I have His Word…

Faith...Believe...

The Final Game

I noticed...the three of us were holding our breaths as we watched my son's high school's football game. It was the final game for the championship reserved for the area where we lived. Their football team hasn't lost.
There were 4 interceptions sad to say. We were wondering why the team seemed unsure of their tactics. They made the touchdown at the beginning of 1st quarter, the ball they intercepted from their opponent. It made the crowd go "gaga". Their quarterback and one of the players were famous because of their great performance. In each game.

Score was flashed on the screen as their game was televised. 

30-22.

My son's high school was on the losing end. But they were known for making it. To even win...Yes. Even to the last minute left on that ticking clock. Would they be able to pull it off again this time?

A minute and few seconds left. With the ball on their hands, the favorite player made it to the goal line.

Touchdown!!!

The roar from where the audience was deafening.

And so from my couch where I couldn't help but yell "Go get 'em!!!" as I clapped my hands until they became numb.

My husband laughed. So did my son.

They knew I didn't even like football. There I was yelling as if I understood the whole game. I didn't. I understood. Only at that moment. While watching.

I knew that if the team opted for the pass instead of punt, they could get that 2 points and that would make the game a "tie". It was a risk worth taking. And the risk they took. The favorite player was again on the goal line as the ball seemed like it slowly got passed all the way to his direction. 2 opponents guarded him with their lives. As he fell on the ground, time seemed it froze. With all the eyes hooked on his arms. To see if he clung to the ball up to the end. But the opponent had pushed him so hard. That when he landed, to everyone's dismay. The ball was on the ground.

Time was up. Final score: 30-28. All heads from my son's high school football team bowed low. Even me. I could feel the adrenaline still rushing. To know that it was so close...To making it a tie. Even to win. Knowing how great their coach was and the team.

"Don't change the channel yet," I requested to my husband.

"But it's over."

"Let us just see the players that will be interviewed."

And of course, as expected, the network interviewed that favorite player.

"How do you feel about that? It was so close and you almost made it in making the score a tie!" as the lady put the mic in front of him.

Without hesitation, he quickly replied, "We shouldn't be mad. This is just how it is. We win. We lose. We just keep on trying our best in every game."

This Sunday morning, I woke up early in the morning as if I was hearing those words still. It touched me as on and off, my battle with work would come back to memory. The help I had been expecting didn't make it. I lost. So close.  Except my game was not fair from the start. It made me sad and at times, I felt down to know that injustices were rampant anywhere. My work. The government agencies. I saw laziness. I saw irresponsibility.

This morning, my soul was stirred again by the rogue waves of discrimination and the broken barrier that never protected me. Surely, that young man, the favorite player was right.

I shouldn't get mad. In this life's journey, I could win. I could lose. For as a Christian soldier, in every step I would take, crosses would be laid out on my path. And as my Coach, Christ, suffered first and even died for me, I must take up that cross and carry it because of Him. For the rest of my body would not be happy if something wouldn't be well with my soul. But my soul could be happy and joyful despite being afflicted. Despite losing a game. Despite losing my job. Despite an illness. Even when facing death. As a Christian, it is right to count all things a loss and rejoice in knowing Christ Jesus.

Yes...what is the advantage if we have all this world yet lose our soul?

There may be more crosses along the way...But with Christ...It is well...

With my soul...

    When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
    When sorrows like sea billows roll;
    Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
    It is well, it is well, with my soul. - It Is Well With My Soul (Horatio Spafford)
       
  
 What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? - Luke 9:25 (NIV)

(FYI: Those players had so many offers from famous colleges to make them attend their schools. The last time I worked, there were so many problems that many of my co-workers were stressing out regarding their schedules. For that, I was grateful that the Lord saved me from all that troubles...Glory be to God!!!)

Who Is He?

“Ahhh…I can’t sleep Ma’am…” complained a 27 weeks pregnant inmate. 

With her slightly disheveled hair, up in a pony tail, her protruding belly not really as noticeable as I would have expected, she was pointing to her left abdomen and her lower back as her source of discomfort. Prior to her arrival, I had spoken with a medication nurse to check if she has been taking her prescribed medications.

“Her? She doesn’t want to take anything, not even her prenatal vitamins and her HIV medications!”exclaimed that nurse even as I was barely finished mentioning her whole name.

She has a history of positive HIV and Hepatitis C. From what I heard, she was usually hard to deal with as she had been non-compliant with all of her treatment regimen.

A whiff of unpleasant morning breath made me take a couple of steps back without offending her as I allowed her to complain. And complain. And complain some more.

“Did you have a baby?” she abruptly asked me as I kept my stance a few feet away, as the female Deputy smiled at me.

“What does your complaint has to do with me?”

“Because you wouldn’t understand what I’m feeling…”

“I don’t have to answer your question, right? Because this sick call is not about me but about you!”

“But for your information, yes, I did have a baby and the things I have mentioned earlier that it would be normal to have achiness more and more on those areas because your baby keeps on growing, I know, because I also went to school for that!”

“Ohhh…” she softly uttered.

“If I call the on-call Doctor, will you take the medications? I heard you don’t want anything.”

“I’m no playing game!!! I’m not taking any meds!”

“Well, Ma’am…That’s what I mean. How can I be of help if you don’t trust and believe the treatment that anyone wants you to try?”

“How about I’ll still have you see the doctor this morning?”

“But I can’t sleep!”

“Sorry…You need to see the doctor for that because nurses can’t give you any not unless it is ordered by them.”

Would you open your heart's door to Jesus?

 (Photo Credit)

She got up, with her wrists still cuffed to her back. The deputy thanked me for not ignoring her complaints despite everyone knowing how she had been uncooperative. I didn’t know. I haven’t been working my usual schedule. But I didn’t need to know. Her actions said it all!

Jesus longs to heal all of us. He is knocking on each heart’s door. How can He have a chance to show His love if one’s heart doesn’t believe and trust Him in the first place? One may not open his heart to Jesus’ invitation for salvation. But what a loss! Because all of us will die and heaven’s gate would not be opened to those who doesn’t believe! Jesus sacrificed Himself and by His blood, only by His blood that would cover those who believe in Him, could unlock that gate. Nothing or no one else can...

Who is He? Who is Jesus?

Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. – Psalm 24:8 (NIV)