Trusting By Faith

He started whining as soon as I emerged into the male side waiting area of the jail’s Infirmary that night. His huge, thick glasses was familiar to me. His wooden cane sitting right next to him on the floor. He was impatiently mumbling as he had been sitting on a cold, green mattress, his legs partially covered with the jail’s tan blanket. There was an emesis basin on his far left. Except no one was seeing any vomiting since he arrived, complaining of chest pain.

“No one was paying attention to me, nurse,” he complained as he saw me arrived, perhaps, recognizing me as a previous treating nurse when he had his blood pressure way high. Trying to evoke sympathy and hoping I would be the one to treat him as I arrived, he kept complaining.

I kept walking past these waiting bodies, including him, as the deputy popped open the heavy security doors and started watching me as I approached the Clinic.

That male inmate became famous to the nursing staff for his hypertension that couldn’t be controlled. He was often brought to the county’s ER to be treated for chest pain. He learned he could get Dilaudid [a potent narcotic] this way. Everyone was cheering when he was transferred to a state prison. For some reason, he was back. The moment he first complained, there was none from the staff who couldn’t recognize him. He was barely there and his medical chart kept growing and the number of trips to the hospital, piling. The jail doctor knew, there had to be a way to find out if his complaints were valid or not. He sent him for an angiogram of his heart [x-ray]. The result was negative. Ever since, he gave an order: to consult the on-call physicians at times that there was no doctor available in the jail. Because of the result of his angiogram, the ambulance trips were often denied.

Staff had grown tired of him. He knew how to play his game well. Except this time, he was not winning to get the Dilaudid that he wanted. He couldn’t do anything. Except to wait on that mattress however long the staff wanted to treat him. Some yelling at him for not listening, including the deputy. He knew he needed to stop fussing about how he was being abused by not giving the treatment he needed. Or he would get in trouble instead. He never learned to trust the staff because he wanted things done his way...In a matter of few hours,  his whining turned into silence as his body surrendered to sleepiness.

There are times that things don’t go my way, too. It’s not fun since I have this achiness that won’t go away on my shoulders. It feels like reliving the endless pain I had after suffering from a neck injury. I can go on whining if I want to but it doesn’t accomplish anything. I can keep praying for God to heal me but it’s not my timetable when things happen. Perfect timing is always His. I want a quick fix. I don’t want any pain anymore. But learning from my previous injury, I know it’s best for me to just keep trusting in Him. To keep rejoicing despite this trial. To continue serving Him and using even this setback to glorify Him. I know that’s the BEST CHOICE. To continue to worship Him. To Praise Him. To thank Him. Knowing He has my best interest and He is in control. And I know in my heart that He is not ignoring me nor He is tired of my occasional complaints. He wants me to learn to trust in Him and let Him lead the way. If God gave His one and only Son to save me [us], what else could he not possibly give to anyone of us? I know that everything from Him comes with His love. He is love.

[I went to my doctor the other day. My arthritis panel came back negative. We are waiting for the xray result. He gave me something for pain that would not hurt my stomach. It seemed to help a bit. Friends, thank you for your encouragement and prayers always. I’m just resting more lately and not using the computer as much. Just know that you are all in my prayers…].

“The Lord your God is going before you. He will fight for you, just as you saw him do in Egypt. And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you again and again here in the wilderness. Just as a father cares for his child. Now he has brought you to this place. But even after all he did, you refused to trust the Lord your God, who goes before you looking for the best places to camp, guiding you by a pillar of fire at night and a pillar of cloud by day.” - Deuteronomy 1:30-33


“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.” - Proverbs 3:5,6

There is no one like the Lord Who loves you and I unconditionally. When things don't go right, how do we treat Him? How much are we trusting in Him? And only in Him? "May our roots go down so deep into God's love so we can understand things His way. See things His way." One day, we will all see Him...His face...