I Failed

He was one among the others I had dealt with before…In need of help from the medical staff as they battled the symptoms that plagued them for years. Being locked up made it even harder for them to deal with ever growing loneliness behind those thick prison walls. The moment the heavy, metal doors slammed behind them, males or females, they had to face a lot of other battles immediately: isolation, rejection, harassment, intimidation, bullying, shame, hopelessness, onset of sickening withdrawal symptoms from abused illegal substances, mental torture and hearts slowly being drowned with waves of current troubles they carried with them from home.

The female deputy wheeled in a young, male inmate from her unit. About to fall off from the wheelchair she was pushing, his body was obviously rigid, his mouth constantly opening yet it failed in producing complaints that he wanted to say. He was shaking uncontrollably. His heavy, very rapid breathing like that of a car racer’s engine was going on, unstoppable with the verge of collapsing on the floor.

All of a sudden, he grabbed my right hand. The deputy and the other nurses stood nearer to make sure he was not going to hurt me with his "not welcomed" behavior displayed. I sensed the tight grip of my fingers from his rigid hand as I met his eyes, which started to turn red and filled up with tears.

“It’s okay,” I told him and the staff on alert.

“Are you scared?”

“I…just…needed…to talk….to someone…” he uttered in broken words as the tears flowed from the corner of his eyelids, struggling to produce each words.

“You can tell me anything you wanted to share…if you feel that it will help you…” I reassured, his grip loosening a little bit.

No words came out. He never turned his head and just stared at me. Eye to eye.

I had seen that look before. My spirit sensing his need. Not for our help from our physical hands. But a need for a Savior. I felt like a failure every time. With others surrounding us, I couldn’t bring up about “Jesus”.

There were 3 of us, nurses, who surrounded him and tried to calm him down. We knew he was having a severe panic attack. I called the ER doctor to get an order for a calming medicine. I told him we needed a “shot form” to make it work like “Stat!”. He understood the desperation as I barely knew his medical background. I could only relate the symptoms I was witnessing. I looked at the syringe again, filled with the clear medication that would oppose his symptoms. I aimed for his right thigh. We watched the improvised “vomit bag” to cover his mouth and saved some of the carbon dioxide he was exhaling at a rapid pace. His rigid body made him grimaced time to time, complaining “pain” as he or we tried to move him to get his comfort. A few minutes passed…he began to relax his breathing, his muscled, tired from being rigid and perhaps from spasms became relaxed.

As we kept and monitored him for a few hours, he was able to sleep and kept thanking us. In between those moments of rest, he was able to tell me that he caught his best friend with his wife having a relationship but they were not the reason why he was jailed. He was there because he was a “parolee” and during one of the officers’ routine checks, they found the 3 guns he was keeping. Then, he got worried about his 2 little sons so he wasn’t able to sleep since he was incarcerated. That was when the anxiety attack hit him hard. I reassured him that I would have the Mental Health Doctor see him as we transferred him to another unit capable of caring for those individuals who had mental health issues.

“Good job, Rcubes!” the Charge Nurse hollered as she saw me let go of the inmate from the Clinic.

“You handled the situation very well,” she added.

“Thank you, but you were also there,” was all I could say.

She would never know. It was the opposite for me. I felt like a failure and unable to help that man. Spiritually… Every time I waited for that perfect place…For that perfect time to share about the Good News...It was always wrong…Because there was no such thing! Oh, I pray that God may give me more courage to plant that seed from Him even with the expectation that the ground about to receive it is never ready. For Jesus alone is the One Who will till that soil. I am only to plant. And I fail…every time I don’t even try to throw that seed. Same seed He planted in my heart. Forgive me Oh Lord!

 "And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation."
Mark 16:15 ESV

 "And he said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest."
Luke 10:2 ESV



A 911 Emergency Call you will never forget from teamjesusconnect on GodTube.

7 comments:

  1. Hugs to you Rosel. You were planted right there at the right time for Him. I guess it is hard to believe that God does not look at us as failures.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your heart was willing...God knows that...(HUG"s) Dee

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi RCubes -

    I believe that that man felt the presence of JESUS being transmitted from you. Please know that our Lord can indeed give you holy boldness to witness for him. Your love for our Lord is obvious...

    Ref: That 911 call - I'm not clear on whether the young man lived...

    ReplyDelete
  4. My heart weeps for this man, Rosel.

    Wife unfaithful, young children with no one to really care for them...

    Pray under your breath, Rosel... even just a faint whisper... God hears. You did not fail, your compassion flowed through your eyes... and your hands. God knows. And now as I read your words, I too am praying for him. Father, reveal your heart for Him, give Him a hunger for you, let Him cry out to you in desperation... meet him at his point of need.

    Love
    Lidia

    ReplyDelete
  5. Someday, in light of eternity, we will see just how God used His Body in concert to bring about the conversion of a soul; many souls. One plants, one waters, one fertilizes, one weeds & feeds, another prunes, yet another harvests. We are used mightily, if only in the offering of a cup of cold water in His name ...

    Well done, faithful servant.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Rosel,
    God has planted you where you need to be. Remember that ... HE uses you ... you are HIS child. Do not be discouraged ...
    Blessings,
    Bren

    ReplyDelete

"Faith is taking the first step even if you don't see the whole staircase..."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.



Encouragers

The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]


Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.


Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.


All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.


When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.


The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.


When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himseld and ended up injuring his attacker severely.


[Source: Life Application Bible]:


We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.


“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14


Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].


Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.


Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.


Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].

Friends