“Okay, nurse Rcubes,” greeted the unit’s nurse as she walked out from the bubble [control room], looking exhausted and upset.
“I tried everything. He just didn’t want to deal with me anymore because I wouldn’t send him to the hospital. He wants a doctor now. I’ll let you try to deal with him because when he didn’t get what he wanted, now he’s complaining of chest pain,” she explained.
He was one of those inmates, going in and out of the hospital for chest pains. Despite the vital signs being normal, we just couldn’t ignore those kind of complaints. Because you just never know if it was the real deal.
He was sitting on the bottom bunk, housed alone. Not looking at me, he constantly was rubbing his chest.
“Sir, would you be able to go to our “G room” [nursing clinic in a unit] so I can do an EKG on you and see what’s going on in your heart?” I asked.
Still not looking at me and perceiving there were 3 shadows lurking in front of him [2 deputies and myself], he answered, “No! I can’t get up!” he uttered in a slightly raised voice.
“I understand that you got upset with the other nurse. But your vital signs were normal. That’s why I wanted to do this EKG so I can find out if I need you to go to the hospital.”
“I said I can’t get up!” he said in a louder and higher tone.
The deputy butted in, “So, if you couldn’t get up, how did you manage to ring the bell? [which was up on the wall, a few steps away from his bed].”
This made him more upset and now yelling, “Get the ___ out! If you don’t want to send me to the hospital, get the ___ out!” he demanded.
“I can’t force to do an EKG on you but I want to let you know that it’s available when you feel like you can use it,” I answered still trying to be calm, despite knowing that there was nothing wrong with him. In my heart, I felt sadness…
Sadness, knowing that we, nurses, just want to help them and a lot of them turn up always upset, speaking in foul languages back to us. Despite us knowing they are just being manipulative, we still try to treat them with respect. In a way, it hurts deep inside. It feels like something is violated when they don’t respond to the kindness shown. Not that we expect anything back. But they have choices to make. To do things: good or bad.
I feel sadness, too. Everyday. Trying to ponder whether I hurt Him or not. I know that I can bring sorrow to the Holy Spirit by the way I live. And that’s my prayer…Knowing that I am not perfect. Like a child who imitates the parents, I want to follow Him. His example. Jesus’ example. His great love for us nailed Him on that cross. So I can live. So you can live. He wants us to love Him first, then, love others. So, what’s the best way to live? That is to follow Christ...
“And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” ~ Ephesians 4:30-32
Lord, I have nothing to offer You but only my heart. My life. My everything. Forgive me for hurting You. Please forgive me for grieving Your Spirit. Create in me a clean heart Oh Lord. I want to know You more. On a deeper level. Help me Lord to make the right decisions. And that is to follow You in all of my ways. Thank You Lord for Your love. Your mercy. Your grace. I love You Lord. Thank You for loving me first. Help me grow in Your love and knowledge. In Jesus' Name. Amen.