Spiritual Sundays- "The Hole In My Heart"



My mother passed away on December 2000 from a sudden stroke. Going home was tough and for a while, after losing her, I thought I was entering through the portal of depression. I want to share a glimpse out of my journal I had written for her. Reading it just now, gave me the comfort of knowing how good our God truly is, for promising His gift of eternal life to those who believes in Him. This is the hope I cling to, knowing that someday, I will see my mother again. May you always treasure your mother and father and other loved ones and friends. We have a short life in this world…


Here, I was traveling to go home to see my father and be there for him to support and encourage him…After flying for 13 hours and riding in a car for 2 ½ something hours, my mind was just wandering….


“As the night slowly covered the tropical skies, I saw the silhouettes of the mountains, of swaying coconut trees, of carabaos in the rice fields, of people outside their homes mingling and chatting about how their day went, of kids playing outside, not minding the hardships in their lives. I thought it would have to always feel good to go back home. This time, it was the worst!


I was imagining my mother’s face, as I sat in the back of my cousin’s car and tried to recall more memories I spent with her. The tropical air brushing its warm breaths against my hair, I felt my mother’s warm kisses. I pictured her glowing smiles, the smiles that I knew I would eternally miss since the day she died. I just lost the maternal guidance I admired and which served as an inspiration in reaching my goals. I just lost a special person who was happy and grateful for even little things.


The illuminating and bright amber lights shone all over my mother’s casket, like a spotlight highlighting a statue. Eerily, despite the lights, I couldn’t see anything. I could cry a river as my legs started to ascend the stairs of my parents’ home. They felt heavy. I was like a prisoner dragging those metal balls, with chains wrapped around their feet. I didn’t commit a crime but I felt I just became a prisoner of the war that had beaten me and my mother - the war of life against death.


There were a lot of people sharing our grief: downstairs, in the terrace and inside the house. Their faces seemed blank to me as I could only see my mother’s face, through the glass that showed her beautiful face. The beauty like that of a princess from fairy tales that was just asleep. The picture of her smiles stuck in my mind while riding in the car was replaced with this real photo of my mother’s surrender to mortality. Beautiful flowers surrounded her and I knew she would have enjoyed them because she loved flowers.


This wasn’t the scene I wanted to see. I didn’t want those bright lights highlighting my mother’s death. I wanted my mother - the very own light in our home. I didn’t want those beautiful flowers, which smell lingered and seemed to announce my mother’s passing away. Instead, I wanted to smell the wondrous cooking, of foods specially prepared by her for many seasons. I longed for that big smile that would greet anyone, always painted on her face. Instead, I had this still pair of cold lips that made me cry. I was looking for those warm hugs and kisses that came from her. Instead, I got hugs and kisses from people, from all walks of life, sharing their grief with me.”


Before sulking into being depressed, it was the Lord Who comforted me. Even up to this time. I’m sharing this with you now, for you to remember that as you face any trial, no matter how impossible it seems, cling to His hand because He is the Greatest Comforter. We are all facing different degrees of trials. But God is always there for us. His hand is always reaching to us. All we need to do is give ours to Him so He can pull us out of what’s drowning us.


These were the words I spoke to the people who came with us when we buried our mother:


“I stand in front of you today to thank you all for sharing your love and respect for my mother. As I was sitting down and looking at my mother’s casket, I thought about a caterpillar that has to die in order for it to become a beautiful butterfly. We don’t really know much about death or the other side. But this world is like a big classroom where we all have to learn a lot of lessons. The greatest lesson we can learn is sharing what we have and giving our love to others, without asking for anything in return. We will all graduate someday, like how my mother just did.


I didn’t cry because my mother died. I cried now because my other brothers didn’t see all these wonderful people who shared their love and prayers for our mother and father and for us, her children. God bless all of you…”


I still have a big hole in my heart…that only my mother can fill….But God bandaged my broken heart with His love and sealed me with a promise that I would be going to His Home and see my mother again…for forever…Glory to God!

For more encouraging posts, please visit Spiritual Sundays, hosted by sister Charlotte and sister Ginger.

35 comments:

  1. That made me cry just thinking about losing my mother! It seems as if you had such a wonderful woman for a Mom and that she had a full and happy life on this earth before God decided it was time for her to come home. I pray for you that God keeps your heart mended and that you remember the good times with your Mom.

    Mom's all around the world are what keeps the families together while we are on this Earth.

    Great Post and thank you for your story about your Mom!

    Keep the Faith!

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  2. Thank you brother Steve! "There is no other way but to keep my faith" :) God bless.

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  3. Rosel,

    You made us feel like we were apart of your mom's life by the moving tribute! She sounds so much like you and I can see she had deeply influenced you in your life!

    Please stop by my blog for a little something just for you today!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  4. And I will be forever so honored sister Kat if I truly reflect my mom in everything I do. She was a God-loving woman, always seeking the Lord and in return, loved others as well. I thank God for giving her to me! God bless.

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  5. I'm so glad that you will see your mother again and I will see my dad. There is nothing like God's comfort in the day of trouble. He is a faithful God and I praise Him today!

    Love you,
    Mary

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  6. What a blessing this post has been to me. My own mother went home to be with Jesus in September of 1999. It left a hole in my heart but you are right. God is the great comforter. And what a blessing to know that we will see our mothers and other loved ones again. The way life passes so quickly it won't be very long for any of us. Thank you for sharing your heart with us today.
    Blessings,
    Charlotte

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  7. His plans are truly much higher than ours sister Mary! Love you, too in Christ!

    I'm glad that my post blessed you sister Charlotte. May it be an encouragement for those who just lost loved ones or had lost them long time ago. A "hole" in our hearts is also like a gap. There is no small or big gap that the Lord can't fill. I'm so thankful for His unconditional love! God bless.

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  8. I still have a big hole in my heart…that only my mother can fill….But God bandaged my broken heart with His love and sealed me with a promise that I would be going to His Home and see my mother again…for forever…Glory to God! :Amen, I can totally relate to these words my dear friend. I feel this way also, losing my momma in 2006, and my big brother in 2008. I love you my friend.

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  9. Your post was so touching and eloquent. Thank you for opening your heart to us.

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  10. I read a few whenever you shared with your own mom sister Denise and I could feel that "tremendous loss" you had. But I thank God for that "special relationship" He bestowed on us:mother-child. So precious. Love you too in Christ!

    Thank you sister Lisa for dropping by. Glory to God! God bless.

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  11. Rosel,

    Your mother sounds so much like you because I can always see the smile on your face, or the tenderness in your words that you share with each of us. You have a heart for people and light up a room or a screen in our case just as you have described your mom. She did an amazing job with you and I understand the whole the is left in our hearts. I lost my Nana 4 yrs ago and it still breaks my heart today but I know and can't wait til the glorious day when I will see her again. I wonder so many times though~ How will we ever get up from the Lords feet to move on to see anyone else.....Oh to be with our Father AND our loved ones!!! what a glorious day it will be

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  12. There are no words to describe what that reunion would be like sister Loren! And "no more tears in heaven" so I'll be having my mom's smiles and laughter the way I haven't seen them before :) God bless.

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  13. Thank you for sharing what must have been one of the most difficult times of your life! Right now, I'm watching my own mother, in the hospital, failing more each day, and I wonder how I will handle it should she pass from this life to the next. I know only God can give me the grace and the strength when the time comes. I just pray it is not for a while longer. God bless you for sharing from your heart.

    Blessings,
    Sandi

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  14. GOD so beautifully reaches down in the midst of our despair and pours out HIS peace, love, and comfort.
    Thank you for sharing from your despair with us.

    Much love, hugs, prayers, and blessings, andrea

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  15. It's not easy sister Sandi as I had been through that predicament, even worse since I wasn't with my mom when she passed away. I was thousands of miles away. May God give you the comfort and the strength that you need as you go through this trial and same with your mom. God bless you!

    God's ways are hard to fathom but I'm so grateful they are always done with His amazing love! God bless sis Andrea!

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  16. Rosel,

    I stopped by to congratulate you for the award you won at Heart2Heart. Then I read this post. It was deeply moving and I have no words. God bless.

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  17. Thank you for sharing that story.

    God bless you, Anne

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  18. Thanks for sharing this touching story. God is good like that isn't He? Won't it be wonderful the day that you see your mom again? Smiling just thinking about some others that I long to see again myself.

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  19. I've a huge lump in my throat, reading your words .. nodding along at your reflections, so poignantly written. Thank you for allowing us to Feel so deeply; to thank Him for preparing a place.

    Best wishes for a great new week,
    Myra

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  20. I know that feeling as well. I lost my father I still cry and it has been 30 years. God bless you and you will be in my prayers.
    Ginger

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  21. Beautiful, touching, heart-warming words of comfort for all who have loved and lost--for a while. Thank you!

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  22. I have tears streaming down my face. Even though I still have my mother, I have lost my father, step father and precious grandparents that were instrumental in raising me. I was deeply touched by your grief, but also moved by the healing balm the Lord graciously has poured over your heart.

    Blessings.

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  23. Thank you all for your encouraging comments! God bless.

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  24. I lost my mom in 1984, and I'm not over it yet. As much as I loved her when she was alive, I think I loved her more after she died, and all of her words came alive in a new understanding. That's part of God's plan, though. He takes what the enemy would use against us, and He makes us stronger. You mom left you a wonderful gift - memories that only get sweeter with time.

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  25. I am so sorry for your loss...it is very hard and I still mourn for my Grandmother as I was very close to her. My own Mother is still with us but has Parkinson's and Dementia so I can't have those heart to heart talks with her like I used to...very sad. "Great peace have those who love Your law, and nothing causes them to stumble." Psalm 119:165 NKJV

    Blessings,
    Jean

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  26. This really is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart. <3

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  27. What a beautiful story. I too lost my mother several years ago and still miss her so much. We will meet again some day and what rejoicing there will be.
    God bless.

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  28. What a wonderful tribute to your Mother, I am still so blessed to have my Mother here on earth with me, and this post has reminded me that I need to make sure that I let her know everyday how much I love her and to really appreciate the time we have together.
    I Thank you for sharing such a beautiful and inspiring post.
    Blessings,
    Sue

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  29. Rosel,
    What a lovely tribute to your mother. Thank you my friend for sharing your heart with me today. You are being used by the Lord my friend. Thank God He has brought us together via internet. Thank you my friend and my sister in Christ for your encouragment to me. We do have much in common in our lives; the most beautiful being Our Heavenly Father. Just want you to know I love you my friend. I thank you my friend for your prayers. God has made it perfectly clear now where HE would have me to go. I can not ignore Him any longer. I have asked Him and He has told me exactly what HE wants me to do. Please pray for me as I speak on Aug. 1st to police families and present the movie "Fireproof". My husband and I will also host dinner for these families. My church has given us use of the Life Center. My pastor saids I need to use the spirtual gifts God has given me. Even though I have not met you personally; I know you are a true friend and a true sister in Christ. I love you.
    Your sister in Christ,
    Bren

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  30. Your heart is beautiful.
    standing there at the right hand of God ever interceding both day and night stand they who go one before us.

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  31. My Dad also went to be with the Lord in October 2000, We prayed together and he gave his life to the Lord three months before he died. This post brought back alot of memories of how I felt as well, Thank you for sharing your heart both here and when you came to visit me at my blog.

    Blessings Lorie

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  32. Simply beautiful.

    Thank you for opening this door into your life, and into your heart. You've touched many of us with your vulnerability.

    We just celebrated my Mom's 70th birthday, and my Dad is still living. So thankful for each day with my parents, and reading this post, makes me even more thankful for what I have.

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  33. This was beautiful and something that we all have to face. My parents are in their 80's and frail. My father has altzeimers and my mother is in a wheelchair. I go to see them three times a year (I live in NY and they live in Nova Scotia Canada)Each time I visit I see them fade. As i read your words about looking at your mothers body, her cold lips and silent face, I really ached for you and for me...for death comes to all. But praise God, my parents are beautiful believers and I will see them again. The promise of that reunion is what will make death bearable.

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  34. Dear sister this is deeply moving. May God's comfort be with you even now...

    Love ya.

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"Faith is taking the first step even if you don't see the whole staircase..."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Encouragers

The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]


Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.


Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.


All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.


When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.


The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.


When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himseld and ended up injuring his attacker severely.


[Source: Life Application Bible]:


We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.


“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14


Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].


Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.


Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.


Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].

Friends